I’m 73 and sole carer for my wife (also 73) and feel on many occasions that she creates situations to gain attention. I try to deal with the issues by ignoring but can’t always keep my cool. It’s been two years and 42 medical appointments and 24 falls (major cause of anxiety). Prospect of new medication and further talking therapy - struggling to cope. Fear last fall was self harm. I have many health issues and fear I’m going under.
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Does your wife have any formal diagnosis? Claim PIP or Attendance Allowance?
(A number of people here are caring for someone seeking attention!
Has she had a Needs Assessment from Social Services, and you, a Carers Assessment?
Do you ever get out on your own?
Hello, I waiting for a call from the GP practice Social Prescriber who will hopefully point me in the right direction. The depression was the awful death of her sister with neglected bowel cancer . The falls were a wrongly prescribed Mirtazapine and Ramipril combination. The current falls are not getting out and poor physical health. I occasionally get out for a few hours. Thanks for response
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As your wife needs a lot of care and attention she may well qualify for Attendance Allowance, which is not means tested. It can then be used to make life easier, which means different things to different people. Maybe start with just someone taking her for a drive, and/or a gentle walk in the park. A cleaner so there is one less job for you? (Sorry, I don’t know anything about the medication, but someone else here will).
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Echoing what @bowlingbun said, I would also add asking friends and/or family for assistance. All little things will start to add up as time goes on. Be strong and don’t be afraid to ask for help or blow off steam on this forum.
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Thanks for response I’m just coming out of denial stage, that this will improve rapidly. It means I have lower expectations and maybe that will help.
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The more help you accept the longer you can continue to care for someone.
Also making small changes at home add up to less hassle.
For example, before I was ill, I always wore shirts that needed ironing. Now I wear Lands End womens floral cotton jersey polo shirts, which don’t need ironing. They last a long time so whenever a new pattern appears that I like, I buy two or three at a time, especially if they are having a sale. They get many compliments and I’m often asked where I found them? Not only do they save ironing they are so much easier for my arthritic shoulders to get into and out of!
As you go about your home, try to think what could be avoided altogether if you rearranged things a bit. If your wife is prone to falling, think about whether it’s always the same place, or the same time.
My mum had a bad back and fell at night, when she went to the loo, too stubborn to use the caravan Porta Potti and frame that I’d bought for her bedroom! Finally I realised that she always fell as she twisted round to flush the loo, her badly deformed spine then squashed the nerves to her legs, her legs gave way, and she fell. After her last hospital admission the Physio and OT told her that she must never even try to stand again, for the rest of her life she had to be hoisted in and out of bed etc.
Thanks for sharing. It’s sad to say that I get comfort from hearing of the trials and tribulations that other have had on life. There is always someone who has had a worse deal than you. I accepted my own death 30 years ago with a medical issue that could have been curtains. I never expected to be looking at my wife of 51 years going first. But, we have to accept the inevitable.
I’ve had quite a few health issues and major surgery. I’m lucky to have survived to live 20 years I nearly didn’t have. Sadly my husband died soon after my surgery. It’s a very lonely life without him.