Hello everyone,
Life is really challenging for me at the moment. I’m caring for a partner with schizophrenia who is currently having an episode; and trying to hold down full time job and care for our 3 year son. To add to this, we moved to a new country 6 months ago; this is essentially what has made my husband condition deteriorate. He’s been well for 10 years but in the last year since we made this big move, he’s had several breakdowns. He can’t cope with the change really, it was too much. My life is a constant strain at the moment (with patches of intense panic), a daily challenge to stay strong, go to work, hold my nerve, not react to his negativity, get enough rest, look after my little one, and survive. A big problem is we are extremely isolated as we are in a new country without our usual support networks. Husband is taking his meds (mostly), but he’s showing the usual schizo symptoms: talking to himself, a bit manic, up all hours of the night, defensive when the meds are wearing off, fixating on things that don’t seem important/or real. I am really alone.
The first breakdown he had when we arrived here was the worst: he went extremely paranoid and hostile towards me, I had to take my son and myself out of the house for a couple of nights as I felt scared. He’s not violent though. I just wonder where this current episode is going to go. I think he should come back the UK for a while, to get treatment, but he doesn’t want to do that. How can I convince him? He’s not getting any better where we are, and he doesn’t like his doctor here. The country where we are (in the middle east) does not have a lot of services for mental health sufferers. Plus, I am not sure if he has to be admitted here if it will be covered; I think not, and I will have massive bills. It’s a precarious situation to say the least. Next week we are having some friends come over and his mum come over, but I feel really that this might only help short term. He needs to go home to get really well again.
I think you will have to rely heavy on friends and family. To persuade your husband to return to the UK. For the reasons you have already stated. And you need to make contact with an ex pat community where you are. Someone I’m sure could direct you. Can your employment help with health insurance.
I am in complete agreeance here. As the carer, you need as much support as you can get. I hope you can convince him to go back home or make the decision on your own to do what is best for you family. My thoughts are with you, best of luck. We’re here if you need to vent.
Thanks both for your support and comments. Since speaking to you his crisis worsened and he went into hospital. His brother has now arrived from the UK and he will take him home. They are not staying in the house with me and our son which is a relief. His brother will take him back to the UK when he think he can fly. At the moment he thinks he is still too delusional.
I can’t describe the distress and pain that we all went through at his crisis point - which lead to us having to call and ambulance (and the police - they come together here); it was a scene which my son witnessed much of, unfortunately.
Time stood still, and after some time I got one of his meds into him. This made him calmer but later on when he was in the hospital his psychosis flared up again. It was a nightmare again for me to witness, and for him - he had to be restrained.
Got so much processing to do now, about our marriage. Love him and feel so sad but will not continue to be with someone who does not comply with taking his meds at the right dosage and who puts our family at such risk. I am not a nanny or a carer for him. I am the carer of my son. I have to think of him and put him first. I’m also the main breadwinner of the family (husband’s work record patchy).
Thank you
So sorry things got worse. Glad you brother in law is there. It’s bad enough when you are in the UK. But living abroad I can’t imagine the level of stress. It’s the right thing in the short and possible the long term. Going back to the UK. This is not a failure but a practical solution to a difficult situation. What if you had no one to take him back to the UK etc. Utter nightmare! Individual’s have to be also responsible for their own health and well-being. Even-though it’s a mental illness individuals have to try and help themselves. And understanding the unacceptable consequences of impact they give to others. I have first hand witnessed the impact. Of all parties who have be involved in someone having to be restrained.
Please consider you are properly going to feel a sense of bereavement. Please try and keep talking even if it’s on this forum.
You will need to form a good supportive network.