Caring for my husband for 2 years, I'm slowly going mad

My husband had a knee replacement 2 years ago and hadn’t moved since, he’s put in on so much weight he now has difficulty breathing and has a heart condition. He won’t listen to any medical advice and is driving me loopy!

Oh Ann - how difficult it must be to try and care for someone who doesn’t want to be cared for. Do you work, or have any other way of getting out and about?

Hi Ann

Nice to meet you. Sorry to hear about your husband. If he won’t listen to medical advice, there is only so much you can do. Are you taking care of yourself? Do you get out and about yourself and pursue your own interests, meet friends etc?

Yes I can get out, but can’t leave him for long, just would love the house to myself once in a while, family are good but have their own lives, I am 68 husband is 80 in September, he’s so belligerent and knows which buttons to press!

It is so hard. My Dad was similar with my Mum. We managed to get someone to sit with Dad so we could take her out of the house for a couple of hours once a week. But like you she really just wanted some time alone at home. Does he get Attendance Allowance? Could you pay for some help so you can at least get out and not have to rush back?

HI Ann,
welcome to the forum.

helena_1512, is in a similiar position to you. She often posts on Roll Call.

It must be very hard caring for someone who wont take advice etc. Is there any medical reason for him to be immobile?

If he had someone to take him out, would he go so you can be on your own in the house for a bit?


Hi Ann - yes I am in a similar position and my husband is 80 too and I am 57.

No real gems of advice apart from remembering he has 'mental capacity’and is an adult and you can only prompt so far…my husbands district nurses have stopped coming in twice a week - they now come once, due to his ‘non compliance’ re his pressure sores. He just won’t take the advice re moving around and sometimes even getting him to put the Pro Shield on is a day long job. I have had to disengage to a degree but it has been hard. Ditto him living off ~Fortisips.

We deserve ‘quality of life’ too.

I agree with getting out as and when you can. The belligerence is an issue and I find myself counting to 100 or higher a lot.

Roll Call can be found in the Forum and they are a lovely bunch so maybe join us there? Non judgmental and most will understand your frustration re trying to care for someone who won’t help himself - I certainly do.

Ann, what’s the matter with his knee replacement? I have two, no more pain, can walk up to 8 miles a day, no problem.

Unfortunately if he’s put on masses of weight he may not be fit for further surgery, even if he needs it. Such a shame. How much does he weigh now?