Caring and working full time.
Daughter hears spiritual voices- schizophrenia, hard word to type.
Daughter lives independently which is very scary for me.
My partner and I have been trying for at least 10 years to help her recover and have a safe and happier life.
Mental health team and social care are helping in last few months.
She is the bravest person ever.
I read this forum to gain comfort in the understanding that many people have to be courageous and cope as best as they can with huge fear and adversity.
Thank you to all who post and all who support.
When I retire I will join a carers support group but currently all of you are my group.
Yours, quietly listening to each person’s narrative
Caring and working full time.
Ula, its good to hear that you can draw some strength from the posts you read on here. Do chip in from time to time - just to let off steam or to ask for comments/advice cos we all do it! In the relatively short time I have been on here I have found kindred spirits and ‘friends’ to whom I can open up and have a moan to without worrying about upsetting people or (usually) being seen as a moaner. That can be hard to do face to face with friends.
We all have different experiences and sharing them can help others. For instance I am having to say ‘no’ to a neighbour who relies on me and whose daughter will not help because we neighbours are there. There was a line on the comedy show Frasier when they looked at a Retirement Home for his Dad - their slogan was “We Care so you don’t have to”!.. Here the neighbours care so she doesn’t have to bother. I mention this because others have made suggestions about how to cut the ties as I have my husband to look after.
A nice comment from my nephew last evening ‘its a good job you could give up work to look after Graham or it would be even more of a nightmare for you than it is’. He realises how much has to be done, because he LOOKS and takes note of the situation whereas so many find it easy to ‘glance’ and say ‘oh they are alright’… See I am unloading again
Final comment - a problem shared is a problem halved - I am sure everyone here would agree.
Your reply is welcoming, thanks Chris,
It is a privilege to care
But it can be so emotionally painful.
Yes looking after one self to avoid exhaustion is difficult,
I find I need to be a gate keeper to protect my energy.
Which uses energy that I need to conserve.
Only other carers understand the emotional toll of caring. We are here for each other.
That is so true
I feel some hope as daughter let social care in and they made some craft with her.
I cannot visit all the time as v tired but feel v sad to think of her alone.
My son lives in a privately rented flat with carer support, arranged by social services in 2009 when I was very I’ll, against my wishes. He has lurched from agency to agency ever since. I love him dearly but I can’t have him home much.
When daughter visits us she gets v uptight.
She is vulnerable in her own home but it is what she wants most of the time. We have no choice she left inpatient and requested not to be supported living.
We worry and worry but she is just about managing which is a big thing as she feels free which matters a lot.
I send my heart warmth to you and your son.
You are brave BB
Your daughter seems to be doing well, although I guess that any progress is quite fragile, which must be a worry. But that feeling of freedom will help her progress, hopefully. It’s going to take a long time, but every day is a success.
Regarding your disabled adult living in her own home, there are home security firms. I recommend contacting them in order to see if they can assist. Or explore their website to look at the products available. It is a good idea to talk to a company pronto.
Thara- thanks for ideas
Charles- yes you have understood the quality of caring but believing in autonomy. I am grateful.