Kevin, the ‘good’ outcome of this hearing looks like it’s going to be that you finally ‘take action’ in respect of your wife. And that is really, really good.
IS she with her GP on this? Does she take any medication? Has she been to therapy, etc etc etc.
She must not ‘hide’ her problems - that gets none of you anywhere except a mess. Those with MI often try and ‘stay low’ as they don’t trust doctors, or think there is anything that can be done, and they just want ‘family’ to ‘look after them’.
That isn’t fair on your son, you or even your wife - MI has a ‘mind of its own’ in many ways and ‘likies’ being ill - it gets them a lot of attention and they don’t have to do things they don’t like! (This isn’t ‘her’ it’s the illness!)
When did she get so ill do you think? Why??
MI can ‘control’ whole families, as it is controlling yours (my mum’s MI controlled my family growing up, my niece’s controls her family)…this must not be allowed.
When you say ‘she can’t be left on her own’ …do you mean that she just doen’st like being left on her own (she becomes unhappy or fearful etc), or that she becomes a danger to herself (suicide attempts etc).
There is a vital difference!
When supporting someone with MI it’s vital to distinguish between ‘support’ which focusses on rthe person GETTIGN BETTER…and mere ‘enablement’ which allows them to stay in the same state …NOT GOOD.
However much you and yoru son loe her, you must think of what is GOOD for her…which is to GET BETTER (not necessarly totally ‘well’ but a lot better than she is!)…just ‘keeping her the way she is’ is not good for her, and it’s disastrous for you (lead you where you are now, with a disciplinary hearing!) and of course it is destroying your son’s life, and that is absolutely not on.
So, use this ‘crisis’ now, of the disciplinary hearing, to really face up to the situation, sort out proper help for your wife, and improve her life, and yours, and, most of all,your son’s!