Carers Assessment

hello everyone.
I look after my elderly mother and have done so for over 2 years. Mum has dementia and now been diagnosed with breast cancer. I am finding it hard going as mum doesn’t sleep at night. I’m exhausted during the day and desperately need some help. I’ve found out that I should get a carers assessment and might get some respite.
A social worker is coming to see me tomorrow and will do the carers assessment. I presume my mum is not required to sit in on this meeting (she wouldn’t understand what is going on).
Is there anything I can do to prepare for this assessment? My husband will sit in on this meeting and my brother will take mum out for a drive.
Any advice welcome!

Hi Brenda,

welcome to the forum.

Make sure they realise how much of a toll caring for your Mum is taking on you - have in mind how you feel after a particularly bad run of nights. Make sure they realise that without a break you won’t be able to care for much longer … Ask for more respite than you want - as you are very unlikely to get as much as you ask for.

Others will be along with more suggestions.


Before she comes, sit down with your husband and make a list of EVERYTHING you do, washing, cleaning, cooking, appointment making, reassuring, taking her to appointments, not just doctor but chiropody, hair, etc. shopping, toenails.

The assessment is supposed to be about assessing the support you need with the caring role.

Always remember that you can CHOOSE how much you do, or don’t. If you wanted to, you could give up tomorrow.
The only power mum has over you is the power you let her have.

How old are you and your husband?
My husband died suddenly at 58, all our plans for the future when our parents didn’t need us any more went forever.
Don’t let this happen to you. Nothing is guaranteed. If you feel you’d like to give up, that’s OK to say. You’ve done more than many would have done already.
Is mum getting Attendance Allowance, exemption from Council Tax?

Thank you Bowlingbun and Melly1 for advice! Appreciate your help.