Hi. I’m new here and just need to get things off my chest as I can’t talk to family or friends out of respect for my husband.
My husband has struggled with severe anxiety and depression for about 9 months now though he had issues before as well but was hiding it. 9 months ago he started having panic attacks at work and was signed off sick. He’s tried a range of medications but doesn’t feel like anything helps even though he’s only taken low doses, he never gives it a chance by trying a higher dose.
He’s tried CBT but struggled and his therapist stopped the sessions stating that as he was struggling to complete the homeworks CBT isn’t beneficial for him.
I know the struggle he is going through as I myself have had anxiety and depression for most of my life and have had to be on meds and do CBT. I know any progress has to come from him and I can’t make him get better. I try to be a good role model, exercising myself etc but it’s very hard for me.
You see I have stage 4 cancer, I’m on chemotherapy which affects my energy and appetite for more than a week every 3 weeks. But because of my husband’s mental health I’m left to do all the cleaning, shopping, cooking, laundry. I’m finding it very hard to not feel resentful towards him. I help him with everything despite the frail state of my body but when I have had days of severe fatigue where I can’t feed myself there’s no help whatsoever from him. I know that poor mental health removes your motivation and saps your energy. But I don’t know how long I can cope with being a carer for him and for myself.
And of course if I’m having a bad day with side effects it negatively affects his mental health and he starts having a bad day. I just don’t know what to do… I have no family in the UK to help and no friends either. His family is here but he doesn’t want them around and to be honest neither do I as they don’t understand mental health and anything they say tends to make him worse. He also would not accept help from anyone outside as he is too embarrassed about his inability to do anything at the moment.
If I ask him to help me out a bit or open up about how I can’t do everything around the house he just says he feels useless and starts wallowing.
I don’t know what to do
I feel I might break soon