Carer, cared now gone AWOL!

I married him in 2005 but he was always strange, even though the plan was for him to live with me he always found excuses not to. In 2012 he was depressed and I didn’t see a lot of him. Then in 2017 he visited me and told me he was better and we were going to have a wonderful retirement, he loved me and I deserved a medal for what I’d ‘put up’ with. I fell for it! All was great for a couple of months then he had a major psychotic depressive breakdown, sectioned.

In hospital for 6 months till May 2018, I offered to be his carer when he was discharged. In the meantime I went to his house …OMG … I couldn’t get in …just like the prog ‘HOARDERS’. Uninhabitable.

The hospital staff and his daughter acted passive aggressively I would say, it made it very difficult, she never wanted her Dad to have a partner, he and her mother were never together, her pregnancy was an ‘accident’. She had nothing to do with me and never would meet my family. She had acted like this with his previous girlfriends he told me, but always made excuses for her. Never confronted her about it.

Then on discharge I accidentally found out they were planning on discharging him in isolation, arranged by his daughter. Obviously I made a fuss and he came to me. Ever since then they refuse to talk to me. I complained to PALS about them trying to discharge him without my knowledge but got no sensible answer, just excuses. I was told that his daughter said she didn’t want him with me from the beginning though.

Now he has been AWOL in a bnb for a month after I’ve cared for him for nearly two years with depression and I find out he was ‘signed off’ by hospital staff, he had monthly sessions and CBT supposedly although I know he didn’t follow it, or even be treated with it (not his psychiatrist) so he can do what he wants, he is obviously in manic or hypomania mode (or cyclothymia?) His behaviour ticks all the boxes. Again they ignore me (data protection!) I get no support from anybody, will just have to wait till something drastic happens?!

Hi Lynn,
you clearly love and care about your husband very much, despite the tough years you have had ‘together.’

Does he have you down as next of kin on his medical records or his daughter? If he has his daughter, this could explain why the daughter is being contacted instead of you. Clearly you can’t check this at the moment. As he is an adult with assumed mental capacity (unless proven otherwise,) I believe you are limited in what you can do. Is he still at the bnb?

I’m sorry I’m not being much help, hopefully others will be along to offer support/ideas.

Mind might provide you with further info;


Thank you Melly,

No I am next of kin. They aren’t communicating with her as far as I know? I put in a complaint about Mental Health’s attitude to me but David had to give permission for them to respond, he has refused!

Surely if they have given ANY information out without permission, that’s a breach of confidence. Talk to the Information Commissioner’s office!