Spoke to the SW and she says it can be done but only in exceptional circumstances. She said we could advertise for a PA but I said Employment Services at County Hall sat there is a real shortage of such.seems a daft waste of time to me when I could do it straight away and it’s only 4 hours a week anyway!
The Care Act says it’s up to the disabled person to choose who cares for them “including friends and family”. I don’t live with my son, but none of the staff can support him with his hobbies, and I’m always expected to look after him at Christmas and New Year so staff can enjoy themselves (and sober up on New Years Day!) The agency charge for care they don’t provide, and I’m expected to do it for free!
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Legally, there is nothing to prevent a carer living in the same home being paid for it under direct payments, but it is advised against by government and frowned upon for all sorts of reasons by local authorities. Equally, under the law, they cannot have a blanket policy for this. The reason is that there are some circumstances where it may be the only way. For example, if the individual has specific needs that require special training, such as supporting someone with autism who is deaf and needs BSL rather than basic Makaton or other similar schemes.
So in general most carers living at home with the individual will find it very difficult (if not impossible) to argue a case for direct payments.
Still chasing this! I have been doing all the caring/supporting for my daughter since June as it was arranged for an agency to start and they never did. I put in an official complaint in Sept and as usual it was just a load of excuses about staffing problems. If they had told me that in June I could have done something about it.
We therefore had no holidays this summer as I kept expecting them to contact us and it was all very stressful.
Anyway yesterday, after lot of emails from me the SW says that from yesterday I can be paid for 15 hours work every week working in a self employed capacity until we find another PA. I asked if it could be backdated to June but she doubts it. I have emailed her to forward my request to the person in charge.
As my daughter gets Direct Payments if she doesn’t use it, it gets clawed back into the general pot. So why can’t I claim for supporting her? To be honest, after 40 years it is the last thing I want to be doing and I don’t want a job either.
Will post the outcome.
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Penny, now start mentioning the Ombudsman. The LGO issues reports on decisions every fortnight. The last set of decisions, or the one before last, involves two almost identical cases concerning Hampshire, just the same issues as I’m having with M. I’ve now approached Cascaidr for support to deal with this. They were very good when a friend had problems over care for her daughter.
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Thank you BB. If she gets back to me I will start using the word Ombudsman! 
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I’ll find the LGO reference for you, then you can print off the summary and forward it!
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Thank you so much. Xx
Heard yesterday i can be paid as PA to my daughter until we appoint a new one and they have backdated it to 1st June. So that’s good news and worth making a bit of fuss about.
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Well done Penny. I do hope you can give yourself a little treat as a result, a facial is often my own treat.
That’s good news Penny.
Thanks 
might need a weekend away actually.
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Looks like I may be carrying on doing this for even longer now! Trouble is I don’t want to do it for twice the money but I will have to. I just do not need this! When we go out she walks miles ahead of me like we are not together. We have to do what she wants, get lunch where she wants to, go in only shops she likes, listen to what she wants to on car radio etc. if i suggest anything she starts “don’t you tell me what to do” and I really do not, I tread very carefully. It is not enjoyable taking her out. I can’t get her to try any hobbies at home either to pass the time.
We had a trial day with a PA today and general opinion is it’s not going to work sadly. So we are back to finding a PA and that takes ages. My OH and I both think she needs to see a psychologist or psychiatrist and The SW said she would try and refer her but no news yet.
All I need just before Christmas. 
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M always walks ahead of me too. Drives me nuts. Especially as it takes a superhuman effort to take him out due to my own health issues. In Brighton, a couple of years ago I was dog tired walking up towards the station. M is fit as a flea, strode up the hill. I went up at snails pace. Then suddenly he was worried when I was nowhere to be seen! We do a deal. If I take him somewhere he wants to go, then he has to tolerate me going to places that interest me. Fabric shops!
Going out with family, or with friends compromise is needed.
However going out with a PA should be about supporting the person to do what they want to do.
This is why it’s so important she has a PA. I hope a suitable one is found soon.
Thanks Melly. So do I. This just hangs over me as since June I have hardly had any time to myself. It has been very rare for me to meet up with friends all summer but I am going out for lunch on Thurs with a group of ladies and looking forward to it very much.
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Me time is precious, hope you have a lovely time.
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I did thank you. About 20 ladies from the village out for Xmas lunch. Lots of catching up.
Problem is I felt old today. The woman I sat next to is just 60 and I am just 70 and how I wish I could turn the clock back. My 60s just went in a flash with caring for both my daughter and my poor old Mum. I ran myself ragged and looking back I don’t know how I did it. It’s like my 60’s just disappeared. I can’t think of anything positive or exciting to say about that time. I also wish I could shake off this feeling because it is very negative.
Penny,
I’m glad you had a lovely time.
I remember you caring for your Mum and its to your credit that your daughter is now living her flat with her boyfriend.
Does the Shared Lives scheme operate in your area? They provide day care as one of their services. Might be an option?
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