Brother who has learning difficulties and agression

I’m new to this website so a big hello to everyone here

My brother who is 40 suffers from learning difficulties (GP mentions mental retardation), epilepsy and also has quite a few non epileptic seizures. He was married for nearly 20 years and his wife has now unfortunately left him as my brother had several episodes of being verbally aggressive and she couldn’t take it anymore. She used to also be the carer for him. Now my mum is the primary carer and she is nearly 65 and my father is 70. They are really really struggling to care for him. He is very depressed that his wife of 20 years has left him and seems very hyper. He’ll snap after a short while and continuously talk without realizing that he’s mentioned the same thing 5 times in the space of 10 minutes.

My brother was seen by a psychologist a couple of times but they have said he doesn’t need to be seen again.

Is there any support that my mum and dad can have as they cannot cope with him?

Really appreciate everyone’s time in reading this

I think it would be a good idea…

to talk to your brother about the repeating. You can if he agrees to record when it’s likely to happen. See if there is a pattern. Give lots of reassurance so as not to frightened him and make matters worse.
Get him to attend a G.P. appointment and accompany him.
Get the G,P, to make a referral to Neurology. Has you brother had any kind of head incident/accident?
Does you brother talk of any medical issue. Dizziness etc

Take a look at the above web site.

Hi Mohammed,

Welcome to the forum.

I agree with advice from Sunnydisposition.

Has your brother moved in with your parents? What tasks/aspects of life does he need support with?


Welcome to the forum.
I’m 67, my son has learning difficulties and lives in his own flat, with carer support. I love him very much but cannot care for him full time, he comes home every second or third week.
It’s a real shame that no solution was found before the marriage breakdown.
Your parents need to help your brother find a different solution. First, a few questions to help give best advice.
Where was your brother living before the marriage breakdown?
Can he go back there?
When did he last have a Needs Assessment from Social Services?
When did your parents last have a Carers Assessment from Social Services?
Is there a “Challenging Behaviour Team” in the learning disability team locally.
What benefits is your brother currently claiming? (Living with mum and dad long term means that everyone’s benefits need to be reviewed).
What is his wife doing now? (She should no longer be claiming Carers Allowance, if she was previously).

Hi and many thanks for taking your time to read and reply to my post

We (my parents and I) have spoken to my brother about him repeating a lot of things such as questions “when are we going to eat at a restaurant” or “when can we go to xyz”, he apologies but doesn’t realise that he’s saying it again and again. I can say he’s had this problem for a very long time but its quite bad now.
If i remember correctly he has been seen a few times by a Neurologist as in the last 6 months he has quite a few non epileptic seizures. They said he has the Non ecliptic seizures due to stress so just keep him happy

My brother has now been living with parents for about 6 months but he goes home (he lives opposite my parents) everyday as he misses his home and wife. His wife used to get carers allowance but my father has applied to get it. My brother has never worked before either. He currently gets DLA and we have gone through interviews to receive employment support allowance as previously his wife was getting income support

He was given some medication actually to reduce him from becoming hyper but that hasn’t really worked.
He can eat, clean, wash etc . I’m wondering whether their are carers available that would take him somewhere and spend some time with him. He likes eating out and in the last couple of months we have taken him out a few times but hasn’t really settled down

Yes, there should be carers who can take him out, and activities he can join in with. The first step is to ask Social Services for the Needs and Carers Assessments I mentioned earlier.

Talk to mum about this first, so that you can say that you are ringing on her behalf. Then stress to Social Services that the situation is URGENT.

Make sure he is getting the Housing Benefit in his own right - as he is a vulnerable adult the council should pay it directly to the landlord.

IF the doctor says he has “Severe Mental Impairment” and he is living alone, he can claim EXEMPTION from Council Tax.

A big change like he has suffered would affect everyone adversely, least of all someone who has trouble with mental processing issues, has he ever been assessed for autism? Unfortunately services for adults, and more able adults, seem to be few and far between. There are a lot of support groups on Facebook, I am the admin for one for Down sydrome and autism - a dual diagnosis (my 21 yr old son has both) and it has been a life saver for me this past 7 years. There must be other people like your brother in a FB group that could offer him support, advice and friendship, though pick your group carefully and make sure it is a closed one, perhaps join with him to make sure it is the right group for him. I have found that these groups fill a gap in community and social service care and being worldwide someone is always online.
Also if his meds don’t work for him try something else, the general rule is if you don’t see, or feel, an improvement fairly quickly then to stop and try something else, no meds should make you feel worse.