Bringing Dad home?

Dad is locked down in his care home.

We have been very lucky judging by other posts in that we have been able to visit in the garden several times a week.
However I’m concerned that once the colder weather comes in Dad will only be allowed one visit a week as this will need to be indoors.
Therefore I’m questioning if we could bring him home for the winter.

Has any one else done this because of being locked down?
How have you found it?

I know it’s not going to be easy but I can’t keep Dad locked up for the winter with one visit a week.

What are your thoughts?

I guess it’s what’s is in Dad’s best interest. What are your Dad’s problems? There is lot to consider and if it would be too disrupted. I would speak with the home. To see has there been any policy for later in the year re: family visiting.

I would like it also a little early to expect homes to know the answer. Everywhere is trying to make adjustments as we continue on in the pandemic.

Hi Hugs,
in part it depends on why he went into the care home in the first place. Usually people go into a care home because their care needs are too great for their family to meet, if this was the case, then how would cope meeting all his care needs if their was a Winter lockdown? Have his needs increased since he was in the care home?

I have friends who have had their disabled children home during lockdown - some have had to give up and they have gone back to their care/group home or supported living flats. They then go from being full time at home to no contact at all.

No easy answers, are there.


Don’t do it. It’s not fair on dad, because he obviously needed to be in a home in the first place, and will need to go back in when you are reminded of just how much care he needs - and as he’s used to having 24/7 staff available, the demands on you will be far greater!
I know it’s not ideal, but nothing is ideal at the moment, is it?
There would be so much upheaval for dad, and he wouldn’t be able to go back to the room he knows in the home he knows, with the staff he knows, and who know him.

I understand your desire to do so, Hugs, but I would urge you to think what is best for your dad. Would he be more disoriented if he then had to return to the care home later by which time there might not be a space at that care home.? They are businesses after all.

Unless you are prepared for him to live with you for ever, I think it would be a mistake. And none of us know what the future holds with the coronavirus. Maybe he will be able to get more visits than you think? Also, if he is living with you, would that put him more at risk?

Lots to think about and no easy answer.

I hope you will find a way out. Stay safe

Hi I visited my Brother on Thurs (garden visit 15 mins) and the Care Assistant said all visits had been cancelled the day before because of weather, I said what happens to visits in the Winter? She said who knows we might go back to no visits if the Government advises :frowning: She wasn’t really allowed to speak about it as I had to sign a disclaimer not to ask questions about Covid 19 or Residents Health Issues

You had to sign a disclaimer not to ask about the virus or your relatives health!!!

I think you need to talk to the Care Quality Commission about that. It’s outrageous to me.

I thought it was a bit much

There is something in the CQC guidelines that talks about being “transparent” with relatives, open and honest, not trying to cover things up.
So the policy just makes me wonder what they are covering up?!

This sounds very dodgy to me. Every time I visit I ask questions at Mum’s home and they always answer them honestly.

As everyone knows those of us with parents in care homes had many months with no visits whatsoever. We are still not allowed inside the home. At Mum’s home we either meet outside once a week (2 family members) at an appointed time for 20 mins or inside a separate building beside the care home. If that building goes back into use (it’s a day centre) then they are going to have to think again which I am dreading because it will then go back down to 1 visitor.

I fully understand where you’re coming from. Even though I see my Mum once a week it’s only 20 mins and it goes SO quickly. We are socially distanced so we can’t do things together that we normally would like looking at family photos, reading poems, looking at knitting magazines etc.

I miss giving her a hug or holding her hand or brushing her hair, painting her nails etc.

I was very down the other day because she is 96 and I dread her dying all alone without me. I also got to wondering the same thing as you but there is no way she could move in with us as we have no spare bedroom and she couldn’t manage our stairs anyway. I even daydreamed about renting one of those big caravans/park homes on a site somewhere and us moving in together. However I also have a husband, son and Daughter to consider.

Hello, Hugs. At a care home where I have a relative, and garden visits are underway, a lounge near the main entrance is being converted into an indoor visiting centre. It will enable visits under regulated and sanitized conditions without contact with the rest of the home. You could enquire whether the care home where your dad is has similar plans. I imagine all care homes will be trying to arrange something like this because they all want to allow visiting in some form.

I think that if your dad were to come home he would be disorientated and this would create more problems than it might cure. He is there because that is the best place.