Newbie to this forum, Just wanted to share my experience and to see if there are other parents out there who may be in similar situation, whom could advise me where I could get help for my adult daughter whom has had a diagnosis of BPD for 20 years. My life was hell bringing her up, She made things up, called me all the names under the sun, attacked me, damaged our home, fabricated stories about us neglecting her emotionally, and then accused me of being a bad mother for arranging for her to see a therapist or taking her to see Drs. She bullied her younger sibling, often using physical abuse, where I had to intervene to protect her.
On the other hand, She done well at school, graduated from university with 2.1, had no involvement with police moved out , rented her own flat and paid her own bills, and our relationship with her improved. Her BPD only occasionally showed itself in work where she struggled to accept rules, or when she was in a relationship. I have always been there for her, fighting her corner, explaining her behaviours, getting her reinstated when she was sacked from her job.
At 32 and an adult, most of her relationships have ended due to her being obsessive, controlling and physically abusive to her partner.
She has been in a relationship for 1 yr with current partner and has recently found out she is 10 weeks pregnant. This is another toxic relationship, marked with regular violence and her having uncontrollable outbursts. Last night i received another phone call from her partner "Please help, she is smashing things up and is absolutely going crazy’ . When i arrived she was the worse I’ve ever seen her. Like she was possessed. Shouting, screaming, swearing, and smashing things. I tried calming her down, to no avail. She seemed dead behind the eyes? She started threatening us with weapons if we didn’ t leave. I rang the police . She then attacked me kicking me in the face and punching me. Police eventually arrived. I asked
them to ring MH crisis team but they refused to come out as she was not at risk of harming herself? I’m so frustrated. She needs professional help before she kills someone.
We have made a decision to stay away for our own sanity and safety, its hard to do, but i know we have to. Its killing me.
Hi Amanda. Welcome to the forum. I’m really sorry to hear about your current circumstance. It sounds very distressing and I commend you for being such a real fighter for your daughter despite the ups and downs. Did the Mental Health team make any follow-up contact following the incident?
If you haven’t already made contact with your daughter’s GP, it might be worth doing so and letting them know she needs urgent attention.
Have you been in touch with any mental health organisations such as MIND and Rethink? MIND has a free infoline. I’ve copied their details below:
On MIND’s website, they also have a ‘I need urgent help’ tool to help you understand and manage your situation when you feel like you need help. You may find this useful.
For yourself and your daughter’s partner, it might be worth getting in touch with Victim Support. They provide free and confidential support to help people move beyond the impact of a crime. You can find different ways to get in touch with them here: Get help - Victim Support
Lastly, going forward have you considered family therapy?
I really hope you find the support you deserve both on this forum and elsewhere.
I am so sorry you are going through this awful time. My daughter has BPD she is in her mid 20’s. I too had such a difficult time with her from the age of 12. The school would phone me most days, she would be hanging round with people I had never met saying they were her friends. No sooner had she made friends with them she would be calling them and all hell would break loose. I had the police at my door loads of times. In the end I home schooled her through the last year of high school because she was so close to being expelled. I was near to a breakdown. Things went quiet for a bit and she met a lovely lad and we were thrilled, she fell pregnant and during her pregnancy she became very ill again. Always agitated she became very aggressive and violent at times and would make things up and lie about situations … to the point were I thought I was going mad! After my grandchild was born things became worse and she had to spend time on a mental health unit. She became very depressed for a long long time after that and I cared for her and my grandaughter at our house. She pushed my grandchilds dad away. The last 5 years since then have been very up and down and it’s pushed my marriage to the limits as well as my own mental health. The hard part is lots of people still dont get mental health issues. People have said to me in the past " oh she looks alright". If I were you and you have concerns I would ring an ambulance and tell them she has bipolar and pregnant. All hospitals have a mental health team within the hospital, they will assess her in A and E and admit her if needed. It’s a real risk now she is pregnant. Women with bipolar are 50 % more likely to have a relapse when pregnant. Don’t give up on her I know it’s horrible but she needs you now more than ever. Phone the midwife and inform them or social care and they will advise you.