Accused of Neglect

Hi all, I’m new here and came searching for urgent advice.

My two sisters are both Covid nurses and I’ve been left to look after dad who has Alzheimers, He has 3 care calls per day but I do his shopping, take him to the doctor’s and pop in to socialise. The care company who won the tender with the Council have been calling to complain that he has no food, has run out of medication and anything else they think of. It’s always very accusatory and i feel like a kid being told off
The "“no food” always turns out to be a case of him running out of bread or milk - I have photos dating back to April of full cupboards BEFORE I get his shopping after one of these calls.
He ran out of one particular medication because his regular carer had been giving him too many tablets which didn’t stop the manager calling me to tell me off about letting his meds run out.
I started feeling harassed and eventually was referred for counselling as the care company phone calls are horrible and accusatory and I sunk into depression. I’m disabled - on the highest rate of PIP for life and I’m finding it all too much.
Things have gotten worse as it’s been reported to Social Services that we’re ‘neglecting’ dad and an investigation has started. The care company seems to be protecting and siding with their employee. This employee seems to want to ‘trip me up’ at every opportunity. She reported to her manager that dad had refused food for 4 days because he was upset that I was taking money out of his bank. (He’d bought a TV for a grandchild’s 21st birthday), she makes snarky comments about me having dad’s Motability car, she won’t cook meals appropriate to his health needs and even reports to her manager that I don’t buy things with long enough use by dates!! She’s phoned me at home in the evening when she’s had a drink (after taking my phone number from dad’s), failed to pass on information when I’ve told her that dad has an appointment and I’d sort his lunch out (leading to him being reported ‘missing’) etc…etc… etc…
Sorry, I guess I just needed to ask if anyone else has been through anything similar?

Oh Siobhan,

how truly unpleasant.

The care worker has breached confidentiality by obtaining your number from your Dad’s phone, if she phones you again in the evening after having a drink - record the call. I would tell the agency you are no longer happy with this worker and wish to have someone else.

First off, buy some UHT milk and put some bread in your Dad’s freezer / freezer compartment, so that problem is sorted, should he run out again.

The medication issue is serious - giving your Dad the wrong dose of meds - the care agency should be completing MARS sheets to record medication given. I’m pretty sure the agency should be reporting such errors to CQC/ your Dad’s GP.

If you are on full PIP - you are entitled to a mobility vehicle in your own right - so that would mean you no longer need to be using your Dad’s vehicle. He might be better claiming the mobility amount as he can no longer drive and the money can be used to pay for taxis etc.

Do you and your siblings have POA for him? Then ask that a copy of all appointments is sent to you.


I’m dismayed at this care workers attitude, who does she think she is???
Record whatever she says, take regular photos of the fridge after you’ve been shopping.
If she keeps saying the food isn’t there, maybe it’s time to have a security camera fitted.
I’m actually wondering if she is taking it home herself!!

1 Like

Why, why, and oh why! is it so often the case that carers employed/paided by a Care Agency are the last people who should be caring. Okay, I know there are some wonderful paid Carers out there… Somewhere. I could write a book about the amazing jaw dropping stuff my disabled Daughter and I regularly go through very similar to this. Everything from raising Safe Guarding Issues about Insulin doses, they are not able to chop veg for her tea, leaving their out of date medication in her fridge etc etc. Keep cool, calm and collected. Write things down in a diary. I echo the advice about photos, UHT milk and frozen bread. One of my ideas, four roll packs of toilet tissue tucked into several cupboards.

Thank you all so much :slight_smile: It’s true that feeling like you’re not alone makes things feel better!

We’re having a meeting with the Social Worker and one of the managers from the care agency next week so I spent all last night sitting up printing off photos I’d taken of the cupboards when the care agency had phoned about there being no food etc… Along with going through messages and texts between myself and my sisters going back months. The only problem seems to be that the Council are so desperate to find and keep care agencies who provide the most ‘economical’ service that they don’t want to upset anyone.

My dad is in the earlier stages of Alzheimers but he’s also 84 and physically frail. He still flirts (harmlessly) with the nurses and carers then blames it on his Alzheimers when they jokingly tell him off. It’s been bad enough for him not seeing my sisters and the younger grandchildren but if they put him into a care home I think he’ll deteriorate so I think we have a fight on our hands!!

SrillBelieving - I’m not sure I get the advice about toilet rolls!


I once had a wailing phone call accusing me of not providing any loo roll. There was plenty. The Carer had a bad back and was unable to lean over to look in the cupboard. So now I put some in the top cupboard for those who cannot lean over; and some in the bottom cupboard for those who cannot reach up. Sorry, I’m waffling now. I do a good impersonation of a gibbering wreak. I generally hold it all in. It’s just spilling over at the moment what with one thing and another. Hope you get sorted. Not nice to get accused of stuff when you’re trying your best for family.