About me

Hi. I am Cathie. I am carer for my husband who probably has dementia. After 10 years the medics can’t decide. But it is a good enough description. He is not passive. He constantly wanders, rearranges things, worries about things, he is moody, can be rude, sometimes hits his head against the wall. I worry he will turn violent one day. He is also an epileptic. Oh and he drinks.

Me? I have breast cancer so I am going through chemotherapy. So I need a carer myself. Only carers don’t get carers do they? We are temporarily living with my husband’s brother so that they could help me to care for him whilst I had treatment.
Only now his family have had enough of him. So we have to move out. It’s been agreed to wait until after my operation. I am told that after cancer treatment it can take a year to recover. But I have to do a move immediately.

I retired Dec 2019 so have no income. He does. I will need to take it to live on. Yes I have poa but have never invoked it. I guess I prefer to avoid the rows. I need time (uninterrupted) to go through papers (at home but I can’t get there because of Covid lockdown) because there is pension somewhere. We get no benefits. No help.

I worry that my own mental health will go. Or I may commit murder. Sometimes I have thought of running away and letting the cancer take its course.

I dunno I used to love my husband. But everything has bought me so low … I wonder.

Welcome to the forum. Which country are you in?
You cannot be forced to care. How far is it back to your home?
Has he had a CT scan?