A new carer

I found this website tonight and immediately found it helpful. Dad 88 has lived with us for eight years since being widowed. Until November 8 he was increasingly forgetful but he was independently living we have a bungalow and he has his own bedroom lounge and kitchen etc. Then he had a mini stroke and overnight he became totally different . For seven weeks I managed on my own with husband help. He lost ability to dress, make a cuppa and just sits in the chair doesn’t want TV or a book. I’ve tried everything. Gradually we got Zimmer frames handrails and commode and this last week we secured one hour morning care. It’s made a difference as I am still working from home too. It’s been a massive roller coaster of emotions but I find I am worried or angry or feeling guilty all the time. I can’t sleep properly. He fell Monday and we found him first thing in morning. tonight I had just closed this app and then heard a noise and he was on the floor in the dark in the hallway. We had put a child gate from his lounge to the kitchen on Monday after the kitchen fall but he had got through then up three stairs and along a hallway. I now know I won’t sleep and I feel agitated. I have found recently that I get panic attacks of itching and whilst i don’t get cross with him when he has toileting accidents or falls or doesn’t eat meals or wanders in the night I do then get agitated miserable cross and then feel so guilty. Lockdown has made it worse as I feel anxious if I leave the house to even walk the dog so more often I don’t. At work i know what I’m doing but I’m feeling lost and full of self doubt with caring. And look I’m moaning again!

That sounds more than the after effects of one TIA.
When dad falls, are you picking him up yourselves, or calling an ambulance?
The current situation sounds unsustainable now. What do you feel would be best now?
More help at home, or residential care?
Does he have a pendant alarm, or a falls alarm?
In the short term, Social Services should be able to arrange both, and maybe other electronic devices.

I wrestle with what’s best and my heart and head - I know a care home is our next step but with Covid I couldn’t bear to not be able to visit - all this lockdown is so confusing for the elderly. When he had his last attack he couldn’t understand why I couldn’t go in the ambulance.

He also sleeps 18 hours so for the sake of keeping him in what he calls his home do I keep going?

Part of me on a good day thinks once others can visit I will be able to cope better but then I have a reality check and I know this isnt something that will get better. Reading that others are going through the same emotions was helpful.

When he falls we do pick him up but I get your point about calling an ambulance

Just talking has helped

If you call the ambulance, then they can check him over, but they will also alert the GP. Because of my mum’s condition, and my own, the ambulance had to be called, but they were great, made sure she was OK, stayed a while, then went. A family friend was a very senior ambulance manager, some of the tales he had about time wasters were almost unbelievable!!! Helping the elderly if they fell was part of helping them to stay at home as long as possible, they were happy to do that.