91 year old having hallucinations

Hi all.

Can i refuse to care for my dad?

The story so far.

We have cared for dad for the last 17 years. During the first lockdown he had a chest infection and was taken to hospital by ambulance. He was admitted and treated and then sent home. On returning home he got worse so 10 days later we took him to hospital again admiited they confessed he had contracted covid during his first vist. Since then his memory speech and mobilty have steadily worsened.I have been trying for the last five months to get a memory test, unsuccessfully as we suspected dementia.

The last 2 weeks gave a real strain both physically and mentally. He completely lost touch with all reality and was taken to hospital. I cant cope with having back. Can i refuse

Yes Julia,
You can refuse to care for him. Be prepared to fight though.

Does your Dad have his own place?

Are you thinking he now needs residential care?


No one can be forced to care, not even a wife for a husband.
Tell us a bit more about your situation, and we can give you some ideas to consider.
It’s not just dad getting older, it’s you too! How old are you?
The biggest challenge for me as I got older, and had operations, was my energy dwindling.


No dad has lived with me for 17 years. I am 56 but have an autoimmune disease which lsavss me in constant pain. I am lucky in that j have a great rhematologist who referred me to a pain clinic and they are great.

The problem now is dads mobility has got so bad that he is unstable and has 2 falls last week. I cant pick him up.

My husband does as much as he can but we srill have a mortgage and so work is a necessary part of life.

Dad is currently in hospital and social services have agreed to some respire care after hospital but now his mobility and hallucinating i c
Know i cant cope.

I feel awful but physically and mentally i am exhausted

We believe you: but social services will take a bit more convincing. You have to tell them that you can no longer cope and won’t be made to, they will try every trick in the book to make you continue caring.

Stay firm and just tell them, NO.

Don’t even agree to “just a few days” while they “sort things out”.

Remember, the answer you need is, "NO, not doing it."

Time to involve your GP. With your health problems you and your husband need to look after YOU now. My GPtold Social Services that my son MUST become a boarder at school because of my health.