You are correct Charlesh47, in a way I am thankful that my husband is not at the other end of the country or even out of county. I am also grateful that I have been included in the Teams meeting today.
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I have visited my husband, and I am a little concerned that no-one seems to be kept in the picture about what is happening.
I have checked with information from Mindâs website about who should be contacted if a person is being sectioned, transferred to a different hospital or changed ward. In these cases, the person would be the individualâs ânearest relativeâ.
My husband and I have been married for 25 years. We have not lived together for seven years due to a complex family situation, but we are not legally or in any other way âseparatedâ. I have seen him every day, live a couple of streets away form him, and have communicated via text, phone call and e-mail every day (prior to his hospitalisation).
However, I was not informed that he was being sectioned. I was not informed that he was being transferred to a different hospital, and I was not informed that he was being moved to a different ward.
I have been invited to a Teams meeting, which was his admission meeting, and I have visited and been given information about my husbandâs wellbeing when I have phoned, and I was promised by two doctors (one at the general hospital and one at the psychiatric hospital) that I would be called regarding background information that may be helpful because my husband is quite confused.
Yesterday, I write a six page letter relating my husbandâs past MH difficulties, ASD and the matters relating to our living arrangement. I also listed myself each of our sons and his mother as nearest relatives (in that order). I handed this in to the office, and I will check that it has been read and received tomorrow, when regular staff are on duty.
Everyone is pleasant to me, when I communicate or when I have visited, but I was a little shocked when I saw my husband yesterday. He has lost weight, he was unshaven, he had the same clothes on that he had when he was admitted, and he could not tell me what he did during the day.
I know he is not well at the moment., and I hope that now he has some clothes to change into, he will be able to enjoy wearing something different. I also know that shaving may be difficult on a ward where self harm may be a risk.
The hospital has a CQC rating as âinadequateâ and there was an inquiry a year ago into âpreventable deathsâ that occurred there, so I am a bit wary, although I want to avoid being too judgemental in what is a fluid and complex situation.
Anyway, I just wanted to check with people if I am right in assuming that I am actually my husbandâs nearest relative, despite the fact that we live apart, and that perhaps my fears are a little unfounded.
Thanks
Janet, according to rethink
now your husband is sectioned, you need to tell the hospital you are your husbandâs nearest relative.
Please read the information this link provides.
I think you are doing the right thing keeping in regular contact with the hospital, research all you can and ensure they know you are knowledgeable.
It must be hard to not be easily able to visit as often as youâd like.
Whilst shaving poses safety challenges the activity can be risk assessed and supervised (would your husband cope with an electric shaver if needs must?) and not having more clothes was also an issue, the hospital should have spare
stuff as many patients will be admitted as an emergency. Are they aware he is losing weight? Does he need prompts to eat?
It isnât acceptable to be unkempt unless these activities are causing significant distress.
I do recall a parent /carer on the forum who rang around the local mental health services to see where/ when vacancies were to have her teenage/ young adult child moved closer to home.
Iâm dismayed that they havenât asked anyone for clean clothes! Can you buy him a couple of sets of track suits and some T shirts from Sports Direct and take or send them to him?
My late husband was always clean shaven, there is absolutely no excuse for this being neglected, Iâm sure your husband hates being stubbly if he usually shaves. Does he have an electric shaver at home? Could you get it for him?
Hello,
Yes, I was a bit surprised. When I saw him on Saturday, I brought him a large bag of clothes (jogging bottoms, underwear, shirts and tops). These were itemised and put in his room. He has been a bit confused yesterday and today, but I think he has changed his clothes. I will ask tomorrow about the shaving situation. He does not have an electric shaver, but I can bring one on Saturday if the staff cannot help him shave before then.
Staff have told me that he is isolating himself in his room, but they are popping in to see him. In the notes I left on Saturday, I explained that he may need a bit of support to socialise. However, from what I saw on Saturday, most of the men on the ward are quite a bit younger than him. If any people are in crisis, I think my husband will isolate himself.
There is another meeting on Thursday. I am not able to attend, but I will be sent a Teams invitation. I am sure my husband should have an advocate, and preferably one who understands his communication needs.
Definitely. Also needs to be someone with experience of advocating for someone with autism that listens and advocates for your husbandâs actual wants and needs.
I agree, S (has autism) finds other people in crisis very upsetting and becomes very anxious himself.
Do they have any activities that your husband would be interested in that could give him a focus outside of his room?
I went to see my husband again yesterday. He seemed to be much less confused, but his mood was low. Staff told me that he spends most of his time in his room. To be honest, I donât blame him. The ward is very noisy with music booming full blast from the lounge down the corridor and people shouting. We spent our time in the group room (which was empty) and my husband kept saying he wanted to go back to his bedroom.
However, he got the opportunity to speak to his mother on the telephone and wish her a happy Motherâs Day, and he spoke to our youngest son, which was really good to hear. I will put our eldest son on the phone today.
There was a review meeting on Thursday, but for some reason the link was not working for me, or no-one let me into the meeting. I was told someone would call me back to let me know what was said, but that did not happen. Ward staff have told me that my husband has an advocate, but they were not sure if he had met the advocate yet.
My own opinion is, my husband needs to be out of the hospital as soon as possible after his section ends, and there needs to be a meeting prior to his discharge about where he will live. He needs more support than he has been accessing in his lodgings, and he has told me he wants some kind of sheltered accommodation (rather like the supported living our eldest son has).
So, I am going to ask when the next review meeting is scheduled as make sure I attend (it was a six hour round trip yesterday, but then the trains were not running).
Hi Janet,
What a terribly exhausting journey that must have been for you.
Glad your husband seemed less confused. No I donât blame him either, the ward sounds awful for most people let alone for someone with autism. Not good that staff think itâs ok to be like that. No wonder patients are experiencing crisis.
Not good re mess* up over the last meeting.
Itâs good your husband knows what he needs, will he be able to communicate that to the advocate?
Discharges from ATUâs can be held by a lack of suitable accommodation/ provision in the community and some hostel type places are rather like the ward - noisy and chaotic. Might be worth having an idea of what set up might work for him as a bridge between hospital and a new home.
PS I typed 
but the forum wouldnât allow it âŚ
Thank you Melly.
I had to laugh at the icon. I have an application form from a sheltered housing provider that we were inquiring into prior to my husbandâs admission. They need extra evidence to support his application. I am sure that evidence will now be available.
I gave my husband the form (it was addressed to him) yesterday and he said he would like to apply. If he can work with a hospital social worker, to complete the form, then maybe the application process could be started prior to discharge. I will call someone tomorrow, and see if I can actually speak to someone who will get things going.
My husbandâs section ends the week after next, so it may be time to start thinking about next steps. The accommodation is in our local city and in the same city that our eldest son lives in. I can visit very easily, so from my point of view, this would be great.
Sounds ideal, Janet. Keeping 
for you both.
My husband has been transferred to a hospital in our local city (a bus ride and short walk from where I live). I have been able to visit more frequently, but it is difficult to find anyone to talk to about my husbandâs illness, plans for the future and so on.
I have found out that he has not had a CTR yet and that he has not used an advocate (although the member of staff with whom I spoke yesterday says he will be asked if he wants one). I also asked if, as his nearest relative, I could attend certain planning meetings concerning my husband, and my details have been taken down.
I have been told that there is a social worker in the hospital who can help my husband fill in the application form, so that is a positive thing.
My husband still seems a bit confused and is anxious that he will be moved again. However, he is spending more time out of his room and has been engaging in some of the occupational health activities that take place on the ward.
I still donât know how long he will be in hospital. I think the section ends at the end of next week. I also do not know if he will simply return to the situation he was in prior to admission.
Janet, itâs positive that he has been moved closer which makes visiting easier and that he is joining in more activities.
However, there is a lot of uncertainty at the moment which isnât helping either of you.
Is it a large hospital? Only, Iâm wondering if it would be quicker to request the advocate forms and help your husband to fill in the forms yourself?
A good advocate is able to do a lot of chasing and get things moving forward.
Hello,
I have been seeing my husband every other day (work and caring responsibilities permitting), and I have been invited to a âDischarge Meetingâ on Thursday.
I know that the aims of a discharge planning meeting are to plan the support and provision that the patient will need and prefers when they are discharged, but I have one or two queries.
Assessment has been taking place whilst my husband has been in hospital. He has told me that staff members have observed him as he uses a microwave, makes a sandwich, and they have been encouraging him to participate in some group activities (quizzes, visits to the allotment, crafts and so on). However, no-one has spoken to him about accommodation, except to agree with him that the accommodation from which he was discharged in not really appropriate for him.
My fear is that he will be discharged straight back to the environment from which he came, and that it will be up to me to help him fill in application forms for sheltered accommodation (as I did before), and to try to help him overcome his anxiety about moving.
I feel a move to sheltered accommodation that offers a little more independence than the ward, is really the most appropriate thing for my husband now. If he goes back to the lodgings that he lived in before, there is a great danger that he will isolate himself, be frustrated by the environment, but will not be able to cope with the stress of moving.
I will state these fears at the meeting on Thursday, but I think without a change in environment and the correct support put in place as he leaves hospital, there is a terrific danger that he will sink back into the depression that caused his admission.
Hi Janet,
As your husband was sectioned he should be entitled to section 117 after care. This starts after he leaves the hospital but the planning should happen before.
What services should I get and how will these be planned?
There are no limits to what services you can get. But the services should:
- meet the needs of your mental health condition or conditions, and
- reduce the chance of your condition getting worse, so you donât have to go back into hospital.
You may get:
- certain types of housing,
You can read about this here:
Has your husband been allocated an advocate yet?
Hello
@Melly1 , thank you for this fantastic advice. I apologise for the delay in response, but I thought I would write something after the meeting had taken place.
My husband was detained under Section 2, so he is not entitled to section 117 after care. However, I was pleased to see a wide range of representatives at the meeting. This included a social worker, a representative from the community mental health services in the area that he last resided in (the hospital is in a different health authority), an occupational therapist who has been working with my husband, a nurse who has also been working closely with my husband, the ward manager, and me.
I think an advocate really would have been helpful because I had to explain to my husband what the meeting was about, and he was focusing on topics that were not primarily relevant in the meeting, but he responded well to redirection.
He will not be returning to his old accommodation, so my main concern was unfounded. There is a little difference between what my husband wants and prefers (living in a more sheltered environment) and what the needs assessment undertaken throughout his stay suggests (that my husband can shop, cook, look after himself and so on); However, we are attending a meeting with the social worker, early next week to see what provision options there could be.
Hopefully, there will be something really appropriate for him soon.
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Hi Janet, it does sound a good meeting 
; it was a good job you were there though, to support your husband in the absence of an advocate.
Whatâs the plan until suitable accommodation is found and arranged? Will he remain where he is?
Hello Melly!,
The discharge date is proposed for next week, and the social worker mentioned something about ârespiteâ until suitable accommodation can be found. However, I know there will be funding implications and I am not sure what ârespiteâ would look like.
I know there is significant pressure not to prolong stays on acute wards, so I think there will be a push to find my husband somewhere to go.
Hi Janet, the reason I asked, but didnât want to alarm you was because some of the temporary accommodation used after being released from MH hospitals is far from desirable. However, respite sounds more like a care home type setting. Although itâs unlikely to be therapeutic at least it will be safe. However, you will need to push for it not to become permanent, especially if your husband becomes reliant on that level of care and support. I think it wise to push for an advocate for him as they have the time and knowledge to badger the right people and get things moving!
Hello Melly1,
You have so much insight. My husband tends to over-estimate the amount of care that he needs. Whilst he has isolated himself somewhat on this ward, he has enjoyed some of the supported group activities and I get the impression that he feels safe having medical professional around. He sometimes says that some of the younger people who are obviously in crisis should not be there. I remind him that it is an acute psychiatric ward.
I think he is scared of loneliness and isolation, and of not being able to managed unstructured time. I am in toouch with the NAS mental health inpatient service, and I think they will be able to find an advocate.
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Good luck. Let us know what they say. You are in my prayers. Whenever I attended meetings I found it very helpful to make up some brief summary notes.