Looking for advice or at least other people’s ‘voices’. I have been together/married for 15 years of the last 20, a 5 year break where we divorced but ultimately remarried.
My wife cheated twice on me despite me being a full-time carer for her in our first marriage. I do basically everything for her though she is totally able bodied and I’m also required to accompany her everywhere at all times as she has various extreme anxiety, OCD, agoraphobia etc. Very intense and although we do get on fairly well most of the time I have discovered now that she is continually jumping from entanglement to entanglement with a variety of men though the difference this time is that this is all conducted online (so cyber affair?). Latest one is a married guy who has sent her explicit pictures and there has been months of messaging. I have to assume that she has been sending him pictures too as there have been lots of clues that this is likely the case. She guards her phone but I don’t actually have any inclination to want to look nor to try to look at it.
Just very exhausted with it. There is a lot of control in the relationship on her part, I can’t go anywhere, but she (when necessary) will. For example when conducting her affairs she would place me somewhere and say that I had to stay there so she would know where I was for when she became anxious. Total ruse of course in that instance but this is a 24/7/365 arrangement. i have no access to our money and she is very controlling and irresponsible with it.
theres so much more i could say but its overwhelming. i feel very unhappy and disappointed that this behaviour seems to be unending. very many of these cyber affairs and she is totally brazen about them and has said she wont stop. she obviously doesnt see any wrong in it and was the same about the actual affairs. i feel quite trapped. we have 3 adult children and 2 under 10
hopefully ive posted this correctly. any responses would be welcome.
hi @Daddioli , it sound like a messy life. Though I am not married but I have been drawn into someone marriage due to to people narrow minded and know what it feel like to be overwhelm with what to do. I would say divorce her, let social service deal with her as it no life for you or any of your children.
@Daddioli Regardless of whether or not your wife needs care, her behaviour is controlling, emotionally and financially abusive, and a person’s mental or physical disabilities are never an excuse for that kind of behaviour. Sorry that sounds harsh, but you did ask for other’s opinions on your situation. Obviously you don’t have to say anything here you don’t want to, but I’m wondering why you agreed to remarry?
The fact that she is quite open about her behaviour and says she will not change or do anything to make things better between you, appears to show that she has little care or concern for your feelings. I do understand the “feeling trapped”, but you do have the option to leave and let services step in to arrange care if she needs it. Are your adult children aware of her behaviour and the detrimental effect it’s having on you?
Only you can decide whether this is a relationship worth saving. From what you have written here, perhaps some difficult decisions have to be made before you get pulled down even lower into the despair pit.
@Daddioli
In my very humble opinion you have given your wife a second chance and it hasn’t worked.Very much sounds like she is too comfortable in thinking she can do as she likes. You deserve more loyalty.!
I know it’s not easy to just up and go . You say no access to “our money” which makes me think it’s a joint account? So can you apply for a card ?
It’s possible to seek half an hour’s advice from a solicitor so would you be prepared to do that?
You are entitled to some happiness in life . We all are
Hello, Daddioli. What is the financial position regarding the house? Is it owned, mortgaged, rented? Whose account pays mortgage or rent, and general household bills? Where did your wife live during the period when you were divorced? Are you and your wife in employment, retired, etc.?