When is a nursing home the kindest option?

Joanne, if they cannot find someone from their list then they will have to find another company to add to their list.

However, I am VERY concerned about your housing situation. Did dad once live there? If so, you might be given one month’s notice to leave. This has happened to other children in your situation.
Contact the council as soon as possible, ask to make an appointment to see the Housing Officer, and then ask if they have any policy about family carers staying in the house after the parent has moved out.
Do not sleepwalk into homelessness.

JUST in case it 's needed … the dreaded LAMPCHOP thread :


Warning regarding Council Tenancy succession.

Hi bowling yes dad did live here so I know I haven’t got any tenancy rights which to be fair its caused me alot of anxiety only in having to deal with the awful day when it comes and also finding somewhere to live
Just feel our recently changed social worker is more about easy option/ money saving than care. I also have high depression and anxiety levels.

“Jenny hoisting and turning both agitate her very much.”

I don’t suppose a trusty old-fashioned bedpan would do the trick??? Trouble is, I suspect she’d still have to lift her hips up to get it underneath her, and that, from what you describe, is going to cause her pain and distress anyway.

It’s a wretched situation all round!!

Ghastly though it is, the only thing I can now think of is a stoma bag!!! And I don’t think that’s going to be a practical option!!!

"Hi this is my very first post so apologise if I’ve done this wrong. I live with my mum she is 83 and has poor mobility and balance issues. I’m 47 and work 4 days a week. This is a local authority house and is in her name. I’ve just been told that our current care provider cannot continue and the social worker has informed us if they can not find another provider from their supplier list. She will have to go into a home…my mother refuses to go as she has been in her home 50 years and also grieving for her son who died Dec last year. Please any advice and help would be appreciated. "

Joanne, hi and welcome. Just to say the moderators may well move your post and the answers you are getting to a separate thread of your own, so you don’t get muddled up with Jacqueline’s and both of you have your own ‘space’!! Don’t worry, the Mods will do this - you don’t have to do anything, just look out for a new thread on the Newbie Section!!

Till then - it’s EXTRMELY worrying that you are living in your mum’s house that you are NOT a tenant in yourself. I think you must do everything you can to get on the tenancy.

What will happen when your mum dies, or she goes into a care home (if that has to happen)? Will you be homeless? Do you have any savings? Can you rent somewhere else? Can yo uafford to? etc etc etc.

The trouble with caring for others is that all too often we stop caring about ourselves! But as Chris warns, carers can and do get made instantly homeless. It’s REALLY risky!

And please, whatever you do, do NOT give up paid work! Otherwise you will have no income to pay any rent of your own, and probably won’t be able to get a tenancy anyway, as you will be unemployed. The world is RUTHLESS to ‘ex-carers’!!! The authorities do not gie a DAMN. All they want you to do is look after your mum ‘for free’ etc etc.

As you are discovering, saving money is their only priority. And with the acute shortage of housing, the moment your mum moves out or dies, there will be a queue round the block to ‘grab’ her house! You won’t get a look in!!! UNLESS you get on the tenancy yourself.

I would strongly urge you to contact someone like Shelter to ensure your rights - such as they are (and they may not be!)- are protected.

I know you love your mum, but she would not want you ending up homeless and broke…

Please protect yourself, as the state will NOT.

Mum cannot be forced to go into a Home against her will. There’s a legal process called “Deprivation of Liberty” which means it can only happen when someone needs care but doesn have the capacity to consent as essentially it is imprisoning someone. Even those voluntarily in a Home are regularly supposed to re-consent that they are there by choice.
Ironically the law was first passed to prevent families putting their old ones away because they didn’t wan’t to look after them!

Use those three magic word “depriving her of her liberty” and tell the SS they will have to find another care agency (or else)