I’m new to this site, and I’m reaching out for advice.
I have been a carer for my husband for the last 7 years. He is an alcoholic and a heavy smoker. Last summer he had to go into hospital with aspiration pneumonia. Once he was medically fit to be discharged he went into a nursing home. Whilst there he slowly improved - as his condition was likened to ARD and the longer off the alcohol the more “with it” he became. Just after Christmas he was moved to a care home. He is now demanding to go home. He had been assessed as having capacity.
Verbally he is very good but I know for sure if he comes home he will deteriorate fast. He still is verbally abusive, wants his own way all the time, no personal hygiene, can’t cope with finances. I have just returned to work after being off for over a year. I am devastated at the thought of him coming home, I won’t cope.
My question is - can I refuse to let him come home, and let social services find him somewhere, like assisted living?
My home is a council flat.
Thanks for reading.
Goodness other people on this forum will know better than me, but I am sure you don’t have to do this. I would be wary of any professionals trying to put pressure on you, but I think you need to be very clear and firm. Anyway they don’t know him and your situation like you do, and if they make assumptions that aren’t right, you can put them right. It sounds like it would not be the right thing for either you or for him. If he has capacity then he is able to weigh up and decide for himself between his options, and to take in that you aren’t one of them. I presume the home and social services and maybe GP will discuss options with him. You may also need support in getting your point across, about it not being something you are willing or able to do, and would not be good for him either, based on past history. I hope you get lots of support. You sound like you’ve been through more than enough already
He has brought this on himself. Would it be possible for you to divorce him?