Problem: Home or Nursing Home?

My husband is 92 and in hospital where he has been since 23rd March 2022. He was taken there with head injuries & Psychosis, due to having had two falls in 2 days. He has spent many months in different hospitals since August 2021 when he had a fall and broke his hip. Since then he has had further injuries from falls, including right arm, left clavicle, left wrist, head wounds, ribs, +++.
He started showing signs of dementia whilst in another hospital last Christmas, and has since been diagnosed with Alzheimers mixed/Vascular Dementia and now Psychosis too. He is wheelchair bound due to a very severe knee condition and no longer has upper body strength. His medical condition is poor having had Covid, Pneumonia and Kidney failure++.

In August it will be decided where he should go after discharge - be it Nursing Home or our Home. He would like to return home and I would like this too, but only with a Package of Care, as I am unable to manage him alone - as I did before. My health has deteriorated over this past year (which has been horrendous). I am 80 and at home alone with the dog and receive few visitors. I have no children of my own, but Rob has 3 who are in their late 50’s. The boys do not have contact, his daughter lives a very busy life in London, so does not visit him often; there is no family help available.

Rob is very placid and tries hard to converse, but being where he is has not been positive and he sleeps much of the time. I am allowed to visit twice a week for one hour in the afternoon -(the hospital is a 1hr drive each way from home). If he Rob does come home, he will need a night-time Carer as he wakes-up between 1 & 3 am. Has anyone had experience of live-in Carers? how do you cope with them being in your home, using your facilities?. We have lived alone for many years and I’m not sure about it, but if it means that he can return home I will have to put up with strangers in my house???

So sorry to hear your situation, that is so sad and upsetting for you, I am sad seeing this.

The decision might be out of your hands if they decide a home, awful as it would be to split you up, I can not imagine the heartache of that - could you be in a home together or is that a step too far for yourself?
I am sure that live-in carers have been trained in discretion and etiquette of someone else’s home and facilities and are respectful of the situation.
But in the daytime, how will you manage and cope if here was a situation arising when the care calls weren’t there? do you have the call device for someone to come, you have a pendant or bracelet if you have situation eg a fall without injury and need help getting up again.
What are the risks of a fall and him being in hospital again.
Are you really fit and well enough to care for him and yourself albeit with a care package?
It’s hard and clinical looking at it from the outside but you need to think of your capabilities and abilities.

research is key