Very Elderly Mother has become impossible deal with

Fluffy, concentrate on your husband, mum’s situation is ridiculous now.

I would make a formal complaint addressed to the Director of Social Services, and copy it to everyone else involved. Say that you do not consider she has mental capacity, list the events of the last few months, and ask for a Best Interests meeting to be called asap involving all concerned.

Also say that in the event of anything happening to mum you will hold Social Services responsible.

Posting this as I hope my experience may help others. As you will see earlier in this post, I cut contact with my mother after 7+ years of abuse became all too much for my mental health wellbeing and told social services they would need to help/assist her in the future. My advice now to anyone else in this situation is - think really carefully about doing this. Try to get help elsewhere if at all possible so that you can continue to have an overview without any or too much direct contact. After passing across to Social Services my mother, who will be 101 in August, was left without income to her bank account, dishevelled and dirty herself and the house like a squat. SS decided to take over her finances, had her pension, attendance allowance and pension credit paid directly to them but did not allocate the funds to her so she had no money paid into her account, her carers (as provided by Social Services) did nothing except walk in and out leaving her without food, in dirty incontinence wear and the house in a filthy state. I became aware of this when her neighbour contacted me as she was so appalled.

I am now trying to unpick things but as SS decided she did not have capacity re financials I am a bit stuck, although due to lockdown and restrictions the statutory visit from an official from the Court of Protection has not happened yet so they cannot complete the process leaving her in no man’s land. Complaints to the care agency and SS about their actions and their fraudulently claiming payments for visits not made are cast aside even though I have provided them with documentary and photographic evidence. Care agency are claiming they visit up to six times a day in pairs - reality 3 times a day for 20 mins or so with one carer only evidenced by photographing the care sheets showing only one person attending 3 times daily. I am now having to pay a solicitor to try and sort it all out.

So as I began - don’t go down the no contact road unless you are sure things will be OK and you are happy to leave your relative in a possible situation as described above. Although my feelings towards my mother will never be as they were when I was much younger, I would not let any elderly person get into that position without trying to help them out of it. My own actions by going no contact have given me more stress and anxiety leading to serious health issues for me again, not to mention the cost of having to finance a solicitor to try and fight on her behalf.