stroke care

Hi ,my name is mike i am 84 and my wife is in hospital following a stroke that took her arm and leg
She is 82 and we have been married a long time.
I miss her so much and i am wondering if it will be possible for me to look after her at home.

I am quite fit and have in fact been her carer for a few years due to other bodily injuries she had.

Its along way to the therapy hospital she is in and i want her near me.


My thoughts are with you both, it will be very hard for both of you to be apart.

Please keep checking back for replies over the next few days.

My mother has had several mini strokes, but not a massive one like that.

There is no crystal ball for your wife’s recovery, it depends on the stroke and on the personality if they give in to it or have determination to recover as best as they can recover.

Your wife’s recovery and rehabilitation will reveal her capabilities and the care she needs and adaptations at your home.

There will be the social services and occupational therapists and physiotherapy involved in what help and home equipment your wife will need such as a hospital type bed, commode, wet room conversion if that is done in your area to remove the bath and have a wheelchair accessible shower.
Mobility aids, a blue badge.

There should be a 6 week care package provided by social services when she gets home.

Social services will do a care needs assessment on your wife and a carers needs assessment on you for how you will both cope at home, even if there is one in place new, it needs review. If you are over £xxx income and savings you will have to self fund the care, they will explain it all.

Do not accept discharge of your wife until everything is in place, without it you will not be able to cope and it will be an unsafe discharge.

You think you are capable until you are put to the test and if you find you are not then don’t be too proud to tell them you need Plan B.

It is not just the here and now for your wife’s care, you are in fine fettle now but what about a few years time or more.

If they say your wife is unsafe to come home and needs to be in a home, you could look at options to be together in a home.


Please get in touch with the local stroke club, go there if it is local and see the organiser for the stroke club who will have a lot of information that will be helpful for you.

If it isn’t local, phone them up for a chat.

Ask at the hospital for contact details, I am sure they will have them.

You can put your postcode in to find a group local to you

Hi Mike, and welcome.

However hard you believe caring for your wife will be, it will be harder. That’s a general rule of thumb: we never anticipate quite enough of what we’re going to have to do. Example: my wife is fully continent. Except every now and again she isn’t, and then it’s rubber gloves, aprons, kylie sheets and nose plugs to the fore! I know we took on the “in sickness and in health” bit as part of our vows, but there are a few things you need to know:

  1. It doesn’t mean you have to do it. But you can see that it gets done. Parents are responsible for their children’s education, yet they send them to school. Same thing, really. Very broadly speaking.

  2. Ask questions about the level of care your wife needs: what she can do for herself, what she can’t.

  3. Ask your wife what she’s comfortable allowing you to do in terms of her care. One lady I came across in my work bemoaned the fact that her husband had effectively become her nurse: “There’s no mystery left!” was her big complaint. After 37 years of marriage, their most intimate moments was his providing intimate personal care. Not quite what she had hoped for.

Even by dealing with those three points, it’s going to be difficult. Make sure you get all the help you can.

Hi Mike,

welcome to the forum. I’m sorry to hear about your wife’s stroke - such a huge adjustment for you both.

There are a few other members on here who are caring and have cared for someone affected by a stroke. Hopefully they will be along with advice for you.

How long ago was her stroke? Care after a stroke is different in different authorities. The advantage of your wife being in a therapy hospital is that she should be receiving intensive therapy to help her recover function of her arm and leg. How often is this happening?

Once she comes home, she will receive support as Breezey says from the rehab team, but it is likely to be less frequently and less intensive.

Have you and your wife talked to the team supporting her in the hospital, they will be able to advise on how her progress and how best to achieve the best outcome for her - and therefore for you too.

The rate of recovery depends all manner of things such as the areas of the brain affected, the person’s health and fitness before the stroke and the person’s determination and ability to cope with therapy.

Your wife would be able to have support at home with personal care etc, however, you will be the one caring for her between care visits and this will be a lot more exhausting that you can possibly imagine (mentally, emotionally and physically.) Therefore, make sure you have all the equipment you will need and a good support package in place before she comes home.

Breezey suggests if it becomes too much you could both move into a care home together. My aunt and uncle did this - it really worked for them. Worth considering for the future.


I see Charles has posted whilst I was typing this.