Oh Jen,
My heart goes out to you!
Having looked after my mother (she’s now 92 and I’m 72 and an only child) I know exactly where you’re coming from. And your position will be harder than mine was because you have TWO parents to care for.
You really do have to take all the advice given by the other people on this site who have made contact with you, as hard as it is.
Otherwise you will become more resentful, tired and angry and no good to anybody.
My mother always complained that she didnt want “strangers” looking after her and that “you’re my daughter and it’s you’re duty to look after me”!!!
At one point she did say she would go into a residential home for two weeks so that we could go on holiday and then a week before refused to go saying “I can’t believe you’re going on holiday when I’m poorly!!” At that point I was so stressed and needed a break and for two pins I would have cancelled my holiday thinking is it worth all this hastle!!! In the end though with my husband’s encouragement (he said. .“we’re getting on that plane! !”) I organised carers to call in and meals on wheels. Mum wasn’t happy at all and on the day before we went followed me round her house banging her summer as she went calling me all the names under the sun!!!
But we went and she was fine.
But I digress Jen… back to you and your mum and dad. You certainly need a rest and I would suggest doing as I did. Tell your parents and your brother that you are going away for a break (even if you’re only staying at home). Be firm and organise them carers/meals on wheels etc etc and then GO!! Even better if you can go away somewhere and then you’re not tempted to visit them. Also give the carers etc the name and contact details of your brother as he will be 'in charge " whilst you’re away.
I know Jen, that it’s alright me and everyone else suggesting all these things but it’s you who actually has to do it and it is very hard. But once you’ve broken this chain of constant responsibility and accepted help from others things will get easier.
We all have to stand up to our parents when they get to this old age. They forget that we are getting older as well. My mother, who is now in a nursing home, still, I think, sees me as much younger and continues to say “you should be looking after me/I shouldn’t be in here/it’s your duty etc etc”.
We are all here for you Jen and you can “bend our ears” any time you like.
We are all anonymous friends on this site but are thinking of you and sending you a big virtual (is that the word?!) hroup hug.
P.S. THE NUMBER TO RING FOR THE ATTENDANCE ALLOWANCE IS 08007310122.
IT IS A TAX FREE, NON MEANS TESTED SOCIAL SECURITY BENFIT FOR PEOPLE OVER THE AGE OF 65 WHO NEED HELP WITH PERSONAL CARE ETC.
GOOD LUCK JEN. DO LET US KNOW HOW YOU ARE GETTING ON DURING THE COMING WEEKS/MONTHS.
Kind regards.
JOAN XX