Relative exaggerating?

Hi all,

I’m wondering whether anyone has come across this. I’ve been caring for elderly relative for about 2.5 months since she fell and broke a bone. She spent about 2 months in various hospitals and then a home and she’s been back in her own home for a week.

I’ve done everything I could — have had almost two months off work — to get her up and running again, but this week concluded that she won’t be able to be independent when the 6 weeks ‘free’ care comes to an end. I’ve therefore contacted a local agency that is very highly regarded and they’re going to come and make an assessment next week. I have to go back to my home, which is over 100 miles away, and my full-time job.

The local agency charges £25 per hour for care, and I think my relative will need at least 3 hours per day initially. Whether that increases or decreases depends upon her. She can afford to pay for it, though of course would prefer not to spend her money that way.

After we had the conversation today about cost and plans an amazing transformation took place. She literally got up and walked, unaided. I really couldn’t believe what I was seeing.

I don’t know whether my primary emotion is relief, anger or disgust.

Has anyone else had this experience? I’m sure I can’t be the only one :frowning:

Hi GS.

Just one aspect :


I’m wondering whether anyone has come across this. I’ve been caring for elderly relative for about 2.5 months since she fell and broke a bone. > She spent about 2 months in various hospitals and then a home and she’s been back in her own home for a week.

No care plan in place ???

No patient should be discharged from hospital WITHOUT a care plan in place … particularly given your relative’s age.

Thanks Chris, but this question isn’t about a care plan.

Yep … agreed … just one aspect that caught my eye.

Why the need to employ outside carers ?

The care plan would have dealt precisely with outside support coming in.

Either free or at cost according to a financial assessment.

If no care plan , the hospital discharge would be considered unsafe … the bane of this forum !

Some carees delight in a pony and trap show for outsiders … pleading near death when left alone with the carer … my mother was notorious for that.

Funnily enough, my relative is the other way round. When carers come she can be lucid, but when they leave and it’s just me here she’s confused, and unable to do anything (well, until today).

Edit: I know that after the six weeks my relly would be entitled to an assessment and long-term care organised by the LA, but I prefer to go with the highly-regarded local agency because they can guarantee continuity i.e. same people coming all the time. They’re also able to take people out, whereas the LA carers can’t. The carers who are coming during the 6 weeks have all been excellent so far, but we’d rather choose the source of the care than have random people appearing who my relative doesn’t know. Fortunately she can afford to pay for that — I certainly couldn’t.

In which case , we have shared the same experience.

After the first 10 years or so , it gets a little monotonous ?

I’m very sorry to hear that. It’s only been 2.5 months with this relative, but it was 10 years with my father (vascular dementia). He wasn’t exaggerating anything, but the stress was just appalling. You have my sincere sympathy x

For me a decade has now passed.

Looking back , I could have done a ten stretch as a guest of HM in one of her hotels.

On release , I would have had me own Parole Officer guiding me through the new world of , then , 2008.

Perhaps armed robbery … and a nice little nest egg to tied me over.

Instead , it was a 24 / 7 , lone carer , stint from me … and a further 11 years to clear all outstanding debts !

:frowning: xxx

it does sound rather like a Little Britain Lou & Andy sketch!

I would leave in place at least one care visit a day when you return home, as although your Aunt appeared to suddenly recover, she will tire quickly especially as she is going from total apparent helplessness to becoming independent again. The equivalent of a fazed return to work.


Thanks, Melly, and definitely. She certainly does need help, and it’s already in place for when I have to go. It’s just that she’s not as incapable as she’s been having us believe, which feels pretty cruel to me bearing in mind the agonies she knows we’ve gone through/are going through.

Elderly Toddler Syndrome?

:laughing: Yes, that’s about it!

If your relative has over £23,000 in savings, then she’d have to pay the full cost of any care.

However, take the recent behaviour as a warning that mentally she is declining slightly, and make sure that you sort out Power of Attorney asap.
Be VERY wary of ever taking time off again to help her, the more you give the more she will want.


Yes, we have the POA forms here, and hope to get them signed and sent off within the next week.

You’re right re: wanting/expecting more and more. That’s why yesterday was such a shock to me, when it turned out she can get up and down and lift things and walk around etc etc. She will need to pay for care - that seems to have focussed her mind, but ultimately, of course, that’s a good thing.