Opinions re social care


I feel really pressured at the minute by social services to care for my mum. I have cared for her 7 years and can’t cope anymore. I’m young, I want to live my life. She’s in a home at the minute but I get the impression the social worker thinks im going through a bad patch and may care for her again in the future. I just wondered if anyone else has been or felt pressured by social care to care for loved ones? It feels like they are making big assumptions or like they want the cheapest option/outcome for her care. Does anyone else identify with this? I have sent an email tonight saying I categorically can’t be her carer anymore, I just want a better mum and daughter relationship where I don’t have to worry about that.

Yes, I was pressured by Social Services, even when they knew I’d had major life saving surgery and had a healing 12" scar right across my stomach!!!
You are doing the right thing, just keep saying “NO” very loudly.

There are some things to consider.
Does mum own or rent her home?
Does she have over £23,000 in savings?
Has she had an NHS Continuing Healthcare Assessment?

Thanks for replying, it’s just so frustrating, you come to accept that it is the right thing for someone and then social care are just trying to get the easiest option :frowning:.

My mum has a council home and does not have over 23000 in savings.

My main worry now is that she wants to come home and I am worried social care will let her. They are doing a mental capacity assessment on her at the minute but I don’t really get if that determines if she can or can’t come home or what :frowning:

Hi Rachel,
The mental health capacity assessment will be to assess whether the assessors believe your Mum is capable of making a decision to leave the care home and return to her own home and is able to weigh up the pros and cons and understand the risk. Mental Capacity Act - NHS


If they insist on sending mum home against your wishes, you must stand back and let it fail, I’m afraid. Until such time as you do, they will not accept that mum needs residential care. On one occasion my mum was discharged against my wishes from Royal Bournemouth Hospital. I told them she wasn’t well enough, but they ignored me. She was discharged in the afternoon, at 7am the next day the carer rang to tell me she had called an ambulance because mum was very ill!!!

All the best on what you want to do. I think you should be able to live your life, is there funding for carer support, you could have her put in a care home on temporary. Explore all options available to you. You shouldnt be pressured to care for her, there must be other things in place you can use to help your mother. Good luck.

I agree with you. My mum was housebound for years, only now she’s died can I see how everyone was manipulating me, and I feel sad and angry. Does mum own or rent her home? Were you living with her to care for her?

Social services definitely prefer it if the relatives look after the caree.

They wouldn’t give me details of any supported housing no matter how often I asked.

I had to find it on my own in the end for my son.

Now they are going to have to pay the support costs

They were obviously hoping to avoid that

But I am exhausted looking after two

There comes a time when you have to consider your own physical and mental health and happiness.

Social services wont think about it so you have to be very firm.