Dear all, I am still having trouble with my mum over her mental health since she came home to us from december last year from being in hospital and respite care. They have been a few skirmishes in to getting something done but we are stuck on where and who best to turn to for help ?
The last few days have not been the best and some of the things I am seeing now, I have seen before but other things not, there is disturbed sleep which is affecting everyone at home, someday if I need to do shopping or bill paying, I will either take a taxi or bus to do these jobs that use the car incase I fall a sleep behind the wheel.
My dad has been keeping a note of things in a dairy so we can use it to help when speaking to someone.
Now this is where we got a problem of who to speak to next about mum health, the local carers centre has helped but some of this is outside what they can help with, we have spoken to the GPS who have had a copy of both letters me and my dad sent into the main mental health doctor she is mainly under not only to make him aware that we are not happy of the way she been treated but also about other problems that have happen due to stop and change in medication. The GPS are stuck as someone and they don’t know who has said or stop the medication as there are gaps in her notes but don’t know if it come from the main Hospital or the mental health Hospital as I do know things were being changed but not being fully told everything.These are two example of been going on but no clear evidence on why.
1: that mum is not to be put back on diazepam, which she was taken off whilst in hospital as they believe that some of the physical troubles mum having for walking and memory lost was down to this tablet. Which I have looked up and yes it can do that trouble with walking and memory lost but would it not have shown up before than 30 odd years later? She still having the walking trouble and memory lost even with the stop of this tablet but it help as a PRN but also to keep her calm.
2: some of the tablets she was on for physical troubles like HRT AND IBS WERE STOP but no reason has been given and the GPS are afraid to restart.
There seem to be a communication blackout over my mum health that even the GPS can’t get a answer and they have written twice to TY Eyion where this local area community health team are based. I know the one mental health doctor she was under in the mental Health Hospital supposed to have sat down with a chemist and gone through the tablets but me or my dad were never asked anything over them apart from when I was asked by the main Hospital chemist what the tablets were for, that going back to Jun last year.
With mum now talking to people who are not there or seeing things or feeling things that are not happening we are going to try and speak to her social care manager to try and get help or advice but after the last time we just hit a brick wall, getting further into a mess.
I don’t know who is the best person or people to speak to or contact next? I thought of the advocate but after the trouble that happen to my cousin who ended up dead due to lack of support from the mental health team, the advocate that was suppose to be working for my aunt and his daughter took the side of the mental health team and had no help from them.
I was wondering about a solicitor but I am not sure if there is a local medical one that can or has dealt with mental health before?
I know things take time and can’t be done by the snap of fingers but we are at a lost of where to go next as we would rather action than being stuck behind red tape. The last thing we want to do is send her back to hospital as we don’t want another mess to try and sort out as we got enough like everyone else over covid.
Hi Michel, welcome to the forum.
What a mess! Although the government talk about looking after our mental health, that services are still here for you, theory and practice seem to be miles apart.
Can I ask how old mum is?
Has mum had a brain scan or similar?
What do you and dad think will help most?
My mum is in her Early 60’s. Yes she been tested for memory lost and had brain scans. The memory lost i’ve put down to a few years back when she was completely out of it and set her self by accident with a match and I had to put her out. when she was at the main hospital, the in house mental health team came to see her, she ran rings around them telling a different story to what she said to me. It was never followed up correctly by her care social manger to find a reason or why just that she done it, leave it there. Dad would rather they would sort this mess out then drag their heels as we are just going around in a circle.
Have you and dad had Carers Assessments from Social Services?
I’m very, very worried that you are getting so little sleep that you dare not drive (which is very responsible of you by the way) but it shows just how severe the problem is.
It’s very easy to feel like a ping pong ball being bounced between various different services.
“Signposting” seems to be a buzz word at the moment, an excuse for we can’t or don’t want to do anything!!
Whilst I agree it’s a mess and you and dad are suffering, you are going to need to be very specific indeed about what you want now, as carers, to get anywhere.
Everyone’s situation is different, so here are a few ideas to start.
Sleep deprivation is terrible, so either mum needs some pills or someone else sleeping in the house so you and dad can get more rest some nights a week, or someone supervising mum during the day so you can sleep then. Obviously that depends on how your house is arranged.
Would it help to have someone doing domestic chores?
Is the house streamlined as possible, with dishwasher and tumble dryer to reduce those jobs to a minimum?
Would it help for mum to go into a nursing home? A difficult decision, I know from personal experience.
Did mum’s brain scans show up any abnormality?
Is mum receiving HIGHEST rate Personal Independence Payment, both care and mobility?
If she needs someone with her, although she can walk, she is entitled to Mobility, and would get it for life. Claim it one day after she is 65, and she will NEVER get it.
Mum Scan came back clear but I think if covid had not happen the main mental health doctor she is under and not the one that saw in the hospital which has caused other problems ( see my other post on the forum) would have been looking into the short term memory lost and trying to find way to get it back as that is causing some of the trouble than the long term one as she can remember bad things but also what happen years ago in the past which is good in some ways but not completely as it can lead to trouble. We have not seen social services for a long time, as the last time was to give mum a dog eaten recline chair which did not last long and was got rid of. Even when we have had the paramedics or the police called, they have even put a report in over not just mum welfare but both me and dad to social service but I think due to us being carers, they leave it to the local carers centre to try and help sort things out and the local community health team.
With mum being taken of diazepam they have put her on a sleeping tablet but it fails to keep her a sleep, which we have told them not just by phone but in a letters as well. So Far we are stuck waiting even the GPS are in the same boat. We put on a list with mum medication that her tablets were not to be touch or changed without it being check with her psychiatry doctor, this came about after mum had her 1st TIA which lucky I was staying with her in the at the Hospital as the doctor she saw was going to stop every medication she was on without asking me or my dad what they were for. I told her the doctor if you stopped half of the medication which were the mental health ones you will not have a ward left as some of those drug my mum are one if you stop them dead, she will not only kick off but would have a melt down. This did stop her from doing it but putting her on high blood thinners and aspirin which mixed together can be dangerous as if a person has a cut with the dose they had put her on she would have bleed to death. Lucky one of our gps changed it the next day. When mum goes into to hospital the doctors like to play around with things and as mum is on lithium and messing with that or she is given something that does not like it can cause major trouble. Even our GPS are careful when giving something new to mum as most of the time, it left to them to help us clean up the mess.
The main house cores are left down to me mainly even with dad on his dodgy pins as she waiting for operation on his hip and knee, and neck he does some of it to help but it mostly me. We have got most of the modcons but sometimes even catching up with the washing, I have to take to the laundromat to do some of it to help take the pressure off.
Having someone in to help has been a pinch point due to money but also what can they do and offer. A lot of my parents savings have gone to repair the house but also we had a PA once for mum which was not the best thing as a lot of their money was drained due to the PA coning my parents and a lot of unnecessary items were bought were at the time. It was down to me to ask my aunts to help sort/stop was going on as at the time I was being ignored by my parents over it but in the end did they final listen.
There has been suggestion for people to come in and help clean but either it been to much of cost and what their terms are or it lead to upset over things being put out that should not go or people snooping. With covid it has stopped a lot of help as I did have the OT helping me but due to rule changes they can’t coming to help at present. same for someone to sit or stay with mum.
Mum pips and mobility is high and gets everything that she can.
what we want is someone to see or speak to mum or listen to us as we want her well and back to normal as she can be. She was in a nursing home for respite care last year and did not like it, we promised her before she gotten this bad we would not put her in one unless things changed for her.