@Jane_22031234567 Hi!
I really feel for you - I had to re-read what I’d shared about my Dad before, so I could remember what had happened previously to MIL and you…(we’ll have to see how threads can get linked, so that you don’t have to repeat explain things!)
Sharing a few links, which could maybe offer some insights:
My one big lesson with dad was - calm and stable and following routine enabled him to feel safe and oriented. Sounds like the care-home is doing that and you’ve got a good one! YAY! She had the presence of mind before to WANT to go to a care home and from what you say, she’s safe, well and cared for. Perhaps the dynamics, movement and noises in a home are discombobulating her ‘quiet’ routine, with no clear points of reference to / for her…
Sad to say this but I literally repeated to Dad what to expect and the routine - staff and carers at the home will know this, but consistency and awareness helps dispel stories.
Also sad to say, there will be MANY stories…one to prepare yourself for, which is common is the person feeling they are being ‘jailed’ ’ held against their will’, some of this led to a few ahem conversations with family once… depending on how symptoms evolve it’s good shes in a care home as they will be primed to issues of ‘wandering’ or ‘trying to escape’.
'‘sundown’ is also well known as a time when anxiety and issues may arise…
I hope I’m not increasing worries, after what you wrote about not knowing much about dementia I thought this could help.
Also - as things with my Dad showed, whilst you’ve known her 40+ years, she’s not who she was before, so as I found out, try not to compare or reference to ‘before’…cognitive reasoning declines quickly…
you’ve done amazing things, to ensure she’s safe and cared for! BIG bravo - resources and good places are limited, to say the least.
What Dad could understand and enjoy: NCIS reruns, simple stories…although he didn’t often see it to the end…NO complicated stories or films with flashback memory to present day… story things…Oh dad liked Star Trek generations…or wildlife or food programs. Something to watch if you visit perhaps or topics of conversation that engaged without anxiety:
Favourite childhood food or any fave food, or place…Nostalgia is magic and SO comforting!
hope those ideas help…here if you need other thoughts
(@Pet66 will probably add in tomorrow, I know it may be difficult today)