Hi Maureen,
To give her the benefit of the doubt, perhaps the social worker is blasé because she has so many clients on her books that she just cannot allow herself to feel too much sympathy for any of them.
Is Mum fully funded? Much cheaper to have carers –and you of course- than pay for a Home out of the budget. While Mum can be considered to have capacity and has expressed a wish not to go to a Home, then she can be left where she is, making her own decisions, However if she is officially diagnosed to not have capacity, and you have POA, then it’s a different can of worms. But I’m second guessing her motives and intentions without any knowledge,
IF Mum will go for respite, and she is already familiar with the Home over the road, it sounds like an excellent idea to take advantage of the offer, as does an up to date assessment.
You seem to be pretty ‘on top’ of things practical, but even so arm yourself with knowledge concerning what Mum’s rights and your rights are. Does Mum own her house for instance? If you can get her into a Home, what kind of place is needed, where the money is coming from. Her local LA website might be a source of information and there’s loads on here and on Age UK too.
It sounds like Mum would be better off in a Home with capacity to deal with Dementia patients and you would certainly benefit if she was cared for 24/7, especially as she will inevitably deteriorate.
You feel that you have already ‘lost’ your Mum. That means you are grieving with all the feelings of anger, sadness and isolation which come with grief. Be kind to yourself too.
KR