I came over from Canada when my Mum’s Partner (the love of her life) was dying of Cancer, she has dementia. I initially posted a question about POA but now the situation has changed dramatically. I had intended to split my time between Canada and the UK, my husband and kids (18 and 20) are there taking Mum with me but that is not possible.
Mum’s partner died in July and Mum (85) and I moved into his family’s house, which is in the process of being sold (we are in Lancashire). I had planned to move her to the South where my friends are but once I saw how much her dementia had progressed, I knew that it was the wrong move. Unfortunately, the more I’m with her, the more clingy she gets. In the circumstances its understandable but she does have tantrums if I want to go out without her, even if its just for an hour.
I thought about reclaiming her house, (which is rented and about 2 hours from where we are) and setting up services for her at that house. However, she has not lived there for two years and when we drove past the house she did not even recognise it (I’ve realised that she is very good at pretending she knows something so I didn’t tell her where we were to see her reaction).
Back to the drawing board. I finally got her to agree to going to look (again) at a lovely retirement home nearby, that has a dementia section, knowing that we would have to self-fund. Once the house is sold, she probably has sufficient for about 6 years at that particular home.
Anyway, yesterday she fell down the stairs at the house and broke her foot and that now means that the retirement home will probably not be suitable - actually it probably wasn’t going to be anyway. The house we are currently in is being sold to a neighbour and although he has said that we could stay for a little while after the sale goes through, realistically we only have until the end of September or October.
I’m looking for advice of what to do, should I get hold of Social Services, Social Worker, Alzheimers Society? What sort of help can they give me? Will they know where there are spaces for care or do I have to do all the legwork myself? What happens when the money runs out? Will the fact that she will be homeless make them help us?
I think I have aged at least 10 years since I came here. I miss my husband and kids and feel I’m on an emotional roller-coaster.
BB, you told me not to do anything until I’d researched everything. You were right but unfortunately time was not on my side.