My mum has mixed dementia, I’ve have been told everything about it, but nothing prepared me for how I would feel. I can handle the forgetting and stuff, but I really struggle with all the violent outbursts that I get. My sister actually works in a care home for people with dementia, she was the 1 who spotted the symptoms.
I admit Iam struggling with everything, I let everything bottle up inside then I start crying
Hi Dougie, welcome to the forum.
Can I deal with a few practical things first?
How old is mum?
Do you have Power of Attorney?
Do you live with mum, or somewhere else?
Does mum own or rent her property - this is VERY important.
Is mum now claiming Attendance Allowance or PIP?
Is mum now claiming exemption from Council Tax on the grounds of Severe Mental Impairment?
Has mum had a Social Services Needs Assessment, and you, a Carers Assessment?
You mention outbursts, can you describe exactly what is happening?
How old is she? Is she the owner of the property or not? I need to know this. Can your sister help? Perhaps she really needs that care home. Is it a trustworthy one? Does she have paid for carers? I also think that it is time for you to see a therapist or counseller as well.
When was the last time you had a break? Me time is essential for unpaid carers. I personally enjoy any me time I can get. I recommend visiting the care home with your sister. Have you applied for benefits yet? If not don’t hesitate to do so. Get supporting evidence from her doctors.
Citizen’s Advice can help with that. Give them a call tomorrow to begin the process as it is a lengthy one. Research all long term respite care options. Regarding her outbursts, please provide us with more details about them. Why does she have them? Are they about anything specific? Try keeping a record of them. Record any facts that are pertinent. You can use a notebook for this. How often do they happen?
Hello Dougie welcome to the forum
Its very hard to come to terms with a loved one suffering dementia of any sort. My lovely husband was very aggressive with his which was a shock to my family and myself. Out bursts do hurt. Eventually you do accept (most of the time)that is the vile cruel dementia and not the person. I used write a imaginary D on my hand to remind me!. I also walked away for a few moments. You are allowed to cry!! Make the best of the good moments and try very hard to forget the difficult ones. Do you have admiral nurses in your area?They are very supportive. Or maybe get help from the Alzheimer’s society.
My heart goes out to you.
I echo what Pet has said. Dementia is a horrible illness and it can change the person, or make some undesirable traits more dominant. Very very hard for you. If you have a local Carers Centre, they could maybe provide a telephone befriender? It really helped me. I also agree it is worth contacting the Admiral Nurses if only for advice on how to cope.
I agree walk away if things get really bad - just leave the room or go upstairs. Is your mother physically aggressive or is it just mental abuse? Both hard to deal with. You do need support to cope as it is very very draining.