Hello all
My mother was admitted into hospital in sept 2024 following a fall which she suffered a fractured skull and a bleed on the brain. After a stint in a neuro rehab unit she has been deemed ‘medically fit for discharge’ and after having best interest meeting including SS and hospital team , I disagreed with . I called for a second best interest meeting as her confusion is off the scale . There is no sense to her conversations , she’s wandering in the night in the unit , taking tumbles (these are only things I’ve found out about during the meetings … no staff have rang me to inform me )
My mother lives with me , is widowed and there are no other family members around . The hospital OT have done 2 home visits with her … one for an hour where I sat and watched in my car on the drive as they unlocked both front doors for her , and one home visit for 20 minutes when , to their complete shock, I was sat in waiting for . I don’t think this gives a true indication for the abilities of my mums independence .
They have now decided on reablement care 3 times a day . I am worried to death as I work full time and my dog also lives at the property . My mother is expected to ‘shut the dog in the other room’ while reablement carers visit .
I suppose what I’m trying to ask is has anyone been in this situation ? I’m her next of kin , no poa , and her only child . I am being asked to take a step back from caring … as I expressed I will be doing, yet on the other hand I’ve been called an ‘unpaid carer’ by one of the hospital team! I expect to be doing part of the caring, that is a given , but I work 40 hours a week with no option to cut my hours .
My mother has been deemed to have no capacity , no one has visited the house to assess it for danger / suitability (in my opinion there are a few dangers , including a huge stair case and steps into the back garden)
I’m at my wits end
Thank you all fo reading x
To me it sounds like a ‘Dangerous Discharge’? There are others who are way more experienced and who could hopefully give you better advice. I think one option might be to contact the Chief Executive of the Trust via his/her Secretary? Also even with Carers 4x a day you will still be ‘on call’ rest of the time? Surely she is at a huge risk of falling again? It sounds as if she needs 24/7 care?
That’s exactly my opinion aswell . They just keep saying my mum has got as far as she will get in the neuro rehabilitation unit . Discharge is apparently happening on the 2 jan . But as far as I know a social care assessment hasn’t even been completed yet .
Thanks for your reply
I am not sure about the Xmas Opening hours but the Carers Advice line may be worth phoning. Also do you have a local ‘Support for Carers’? If so then if they are open tomorrow well worth calling them. I think if I were in that position I would do a letter or email and do a list of the reasons why you think it is potentially a ‘dangerous discharge’. TBH this appears to be happening more and more with family Carers being forced to take up more and more of the slack.
I mean if your mother is deemed to have ‘no capacity’ then surely she should not be left alone? Is she able to get to the loo and back on her own? Is she able to make a cup of tea or coffee safely? I would guess the re enablement would hopefully pick up the issues but maybe not? Sadly everything is such a fight right now with regard to the NHS. I used to think they were ‘on my side’ but I no feel this.
I do think you need to talk through a ‘plan of action’ with a someone experienced and I would definitely give the Carers Helpline and your local Support for Carers calls tomorrow. Please let us know how you get on.
Hopefully others will be along to maybe add other ideas and options.
Thank you so much
I have emailed everyone I can think of but to not avail , ss and the hospital team overruled me again .
I think it’s worth trying the advice you gave me and I will give them a call tomorrow
Thank you so much
Good Luck. I wonder if it is worth getting legal advice?
Does your mother own the house?
How are the Carers going to get in? Is there a Keysafe?
Hi @Alfieden12
I understand how difficult and frustrating it is when no one wants to listen to you and they dismiss you without consideration.
I have no advice to give. However, I wanted you to know that this is something that happens far too often nowadays. I hope you can get some resolution that will comfort you and your mum.
Big hugs and best wishes,
All my best!
Jean
Hi everyone
Just an update from my previous post
Mum was discharged today from the neuro rehab . Reablement was set to commence at 16.30 today. However she refused to allow the carers access to the property and told them to ‘p!s$ off’ 
I then had a visit from the reablement manager where my mum absolutely was adamant she did ‘not need care as she was very independent’ so he has ceased the care package . Is this common? Who will do her visits tomorrow while I’m at work for 9 hours ? I have got out of hours social worker number but I feel a fraud using it to be honest .
My mother is that ‘I dependant’ that she would not let me leave the house to nip to the shop ‘in case I am ill’ . Independent ?! I don’t think so .
I’m at my wits end with it all .
Oh and to add further frustration within minutes of her coming home she had a fall . Luckily I had manages to nip home on my lunch break.
Sorry for the rant but I’m scared I will get trapped into being her sole carer and that is something which I am , selfishly I know it sounds , unwilling to do x
No, not selfish at all. Sadly realistic.
Unless you force it, nothing will change.
If mum won’t accept help and is therefore a vulnerable adult, a danger to herself then Social Services should hold an urgent Best Interests meeting. Our member Charles will know the wording better than me.
You need to work. Mum has no right to take over your whole life.
Who helped her up when she fell?
It suggests that she was not fit for discharge.
Consider making a formal complaint to the CEO of the hospital.
I helped her up it was lucky I was there . It’s an absolute unsafe discharge and I’m thinking if even contacting safeguarding . The unfortunate thing is that she dosent think she needs any care apart from what I provide and it’s only me she wants to help her . I understand that as her daughter but I have to work , I have a partner and a life . I’m so glad you don’t see me as selfish and I thank you for that so much. It’s expected of me and I fear I’ll end up with so much resentment x
Next time, you must call an ambulance, so it gets logged and they notify the GP.
I have had many battles myself!
On the verge of a breakdown I had counselling, just wished I’d had it years earlier, my life would have been so different. More later.
@Alfieden12 BIG hugs, this is all so stressful for you I’m SO glad you reached out to share and connect. You did absolutely the right things asking for a second best interest meeting!
It sounds like she has an increased falls risk and cognitive issues after her fractured skull - I’m not a medic but have experience of both these issues - dad had vascular dementia and various health issues and several falls before he passed
As @selinakylie says have a chat with Carers UK helpline, they’ve lots of experience and can offer practical advice.
The other links I’ve shared below offer empathy and confirmation of what you already know to be true - people are default assuming that you’ll do all the caring and have pushed discharge.
The ‘Discharge to access’ pathway is outlined on page 5. I’ve camped out in hospital rooms to prevent middle of the night discharge, and pushed for a test to stop auto-actions.
Is your GP involved re. Falls risks AND getting more support? Was there any diagnosis/follow up to your Mum’s neurological issues…I’d have thought there’d be a follow up appointment/check that perhaps you could leverage
@Charlesh47 tagging you in for your thoughts
You are NOT being selfish. A helpful reframing - your Mum may need more medically trained support that you’re not trained to give her. Also, she may not be in the right frame of mind - cognitively impaired after the fall accident and unable to think things through…the link re. mental capacity is below.
I hope something here helps, let us know how things go
@Sue24 can share how she battled with hospital decisions
Hi @Alfieden12 I just have a couple of comments/questions.
First is that if they are taking your mother’s view that she is independent, then the two meetings you referred to as “Best interests” meetings were definitely not. For your mother to be independent, she has to have mental capacity, and “best interests” meetings are only held for people who do not have mental capacity. Your description of your mother suggests that she does not have capacity and cannot possibly cope at home. So those meetings should definitely have been best interests meetings. Except a best interests meeting has to look at what is least restrictive to ensure that your mum is safe. That has not happened here.
The assumption seems to be that you will cover the massive gaps.
This is as unsafe a discharge as it’s possible to have. My opinion only, for what it’s worth. As they are not listening - for whatever reason - you need to make it clear in an email that a safeguarding referral has been made (do that first, obviously) as your mum is at extreme risk. Set out the reasons why the discharge was unsafe, and send it to Safeguarding, the social worker and their manager, the hospital (PALS and their safeguarding team), and your local councillor. If you can find the details of the Chair of hospital governors, so much the better. Then ask for an urgent meeting to determine the best option.
They should most likely have discharged her to a care home for assessment of her independence and checked her home out in the meantime.
But if they claim your mum has no capacity, discharging her home is as close to a death sentence as it’s possible to have, without enslaving you. Make it clear that is not an option.
Thanks so much for your replies and your advice
I’m going to contact safeguarding first thing and then take it from there with contacting everyone else , as you say it was a very unsafe discharge .
I was woken by mum 3 times in the night , she was shouting for the nurse twice then wanted her cheque book . Took me so long to settle her back down that I’ve had about 3.5 hours sleep and have to leave for work at 8am. Plus the fact that no carers will be coming apart from myself popping back for 20 minutes at lunchtime . I’m burned out and it was only night one !
I seriously think she should have been discharged to a care facility if some sort . But the ‘best interest meeting ‘ was farcical to say the least .
I just think it’s disgusting how they know she lives with me to assume she’s going to be able to be cared for , I’m 42 and hope to have a long life ahead of me yet but at the moment I feel decades older .
Thank you all so much
@Alfieden12 This is the problem isn’t it? Family Carers are expected to be there 24/7. Please document what happened the first night. Also is it worth phoning YOUR GP and seeing if you can get them on side? I totally agree with Charles and his comments.
You CANNOT be expected to work full time and be ‘on call’ 24/7’. I cannot help but wonder if it might be worth emailing Carers Helpline Legal people and seeing what their opinion is. This just screams ‘dangerous discharge’. What about the impact on YOUR life and your job?
Please let us know how it goes.
@Alfieden12…first of all, my heart goes out to you. In
my experience hospitals are very quick to discharge someone home if they deem them to be medically fit. Unfortunately I’ve been through this. My husband has had many health issues and has osteoarthritis. His mobility was already really poor before he became ill with a series of events from June last year, hernia resulting in twisted bowel and emergency op where he nearly died then shortly after he caught sepsis and nearly died again. He spent 7 months overall in hospital and a physio rehab centre. The hospital wanted to discharge him home bed bound and I had to fight to get him his rehab place. He came home in April last year from rehab but wouldn’t work with the physio team so they stopped coming after a week. We then had carers come in, doubled up, 4 times a day until 7 each night then I was on my own to cope. My 86 year old parents live with us as well! By this stage he was using adult nappies and weeing in bottles and wouldn’t try to use the bathroom. After a month of this unfortunately we had a big argument resulting in him calling social services who moved
Him to a care home. He needs to be where he is as we/I can’t mange with him home. Sadly he’s bitter that he’s in the home and is very angry towards me and has said he no longer wants to be friends so we currently have no contact. Our daughter sees him once a week. Please don’t feel guilty for not wanting to live like you are, I’m 55 and wasn’t prepared to spend the rest of my life as we were. I also work full time. Things aren’t easy but I’m so much happier as things are now.
Can you contact a social worker to chat with them and see if they can help? Sending big hugs 
your way.
Just remember that you can exercise your right to refuse to care. They have a duty of care. You do not.
Oh so sorry to hear this ! But I understand how awful situations can be .
I am apparently getting a call from the social worker at some point today . The way I feel today it will be very abrupt on my part !
Thanks for replying and sharing your story x
Thank you all so much! X
@Alfieden12…that’s okay, I hope it all goes well for you. Stay strong and do what’s best for you.