Mental issues from injury getting worse


I’m looking for help and advice.
Over 10 years ago my wife suffered a brain bleed from an operation. She suffered major cognitive issues and partial paralysis on her left side. Over a couple of years she partially recovered but still had emotional, cognitive and walking issues made worse by angsiety. I spent a great deal of my time caring and coaching for her in-between work.
Things improved so much we decided to have a child.
Our child is now 8 and my wife is regressing. Her mobility has got worse and she has developed IBD.
She seems completely unmotivated leaving me to cover most of her responsibilitys and work except for caring for our child.
She spends most her time lying in bed, watching TV or going round her parents house.
She doesn’t seem depressed and can be motivated to things she wants to do.
We have both talked and argued about what’s happening and she either agrees what needs to be done (then does nothing) or goes completely silent. Often she will deny there’s any problem at all.
With the stress of it all I had a bad heart attack a few years ago. Now my health is begging to deteriorate .
As she is not motivated or denies needing help (I’m thinking therapy) nothing is happening.
What can I do?

Hello Christopher

Firstly I want to extend you a warm welcome to our forum, you’ve come to the right place to connect with other carers who are experiencing a similar situation to yourself, I know other carers will be in contact with you soon. In the meantime I wanted to tell you about other ways you can reach out and connect with carers, at the moment we are running a series of online meetups, you might already know about them. If not, please have a look at the attached links and see if anything is of interest.

Care for a Cuppa:
This social is a great way to have a little break if you are able to and spend some quality time talking to people who understand what you are going through right now.

Share and Learn:
These sessions range from creative writing activities to beginners Latin dance sessions.

There is also Carers UK’s helpline should you need advice or support - Our Telephone Helpline is available on 0808 808 7777 from Monday to Friday, 9am – 6pm or you can contact us by email (
They can help provide support and guidance on:

  • Benefits and financial support
  • Your rights as a carer in the workplace
  • Carers’ assessments and how to get support in your caring role
  • Services available to carers and the people you care for
  • How to complain effectively and challenge decisions.

with best wishes

Hi Christopher, welcome to the forum. What a sad and difficult situation.
You must feel torn in all directions, what with her condition, work, and an 8 year old too. My grandson was 10 this week. I wish I had his energy!!

How old is your wife?
Does your daughter do any after school activities, Brownies or similar?
Are school aware of your wife’s illness?

As she goes round to her parents, can you express your concerns to them?
Have you spoken to her GP?