Hi just introducing myself, I’m a mother to an autistic adult son/daughter ( have only recently discovered gender identity problems)
My son/daughter has had mental health issues for ten years or more now 28 years old. Was originally diagnosed with schizophrenia and psychosis, but since his second bout of psychosis mental health team saying it’s his autism . He was tested when he was nineteen and was told he wasn’t autistic!.
Unfortunately since his last mental health assessment, which his therapist instigated, it has stressed him out that I was the one letting them into his home ( put under pressure by his new psychiatrist to do so) , he/she has estranged me. I have been his/her carer for years, and has had devastating effect on my mental health ( depression/ anxiety), I am getting help from an interpersonal therapist, had started some antidepressants but stopped taking them as had every side effect possible.
Was wondering if anyone else has experienced estrangement and how long it may last or if this is going to be permanent.
I’m struggling to cope.
Hi @Rainyday and welcome!
I didn’t realise it until after he died in 1981, but my grandfather - Mum’s Dad - was almost certainly “on the spectrum”. When he cut people off, it was permanent. Their name couldn’t even come up in conversation. But everyone is different, and not every person with autism will react in the same way.
It may be that he just needs a little time to come to terms with what has happened. How long is it since this started?
It’s been three months.
Was it close family he cut off?
He cut off a whole side of the family, which I know included cousins, but because it was basically never talked about, I don’t know the details. Never spoke to or acknowledged any of them ever again. But I know other people on the spectrum who couldn’t do that, and comparing very different people is a waste of time, tbh.
From what you’ve said, he feels that you’ve broken trust, without thinking about the pressure you were under (lack of empathy is common in autism), and without thinking that you might have been acting in what you felt were his best interests. The difficulty is making him understand that. I don’t know what to suggest other than to try a letter?
Thank you for your reply, I have tried writing, but no response, am now just not messaging or contacting him/her at the moment, as am hoping that he/ her will calm down. In my letter I said I’m always here for him/her. Don’t know what else to do.
I think that’s all you can do.
Just at intervals send something in the post - a postcard, birthday card etc etc so they know you are thinking about them and still care.
I think I’d be tempted too, to write to the current therapist and explain the situation - after all it was their request that led to the estrangement.
Then for now, focus on yourself and get yourself back to a state a wellbeing.
Dear Rainyday
Hello. I am Kristie i am an online community host for Carers UK. Welcome to the forum. It sounds like you have a lot on your plate at the moment are you getting any extra outside support? I know it might not feel the same but the forum has a number of carers from all walks who understand what your going through and are happy to support you and share their experience.
Best wishes
Kristie.
Thanks for your reply, I am currently having interpersonal therapy once a week, have only had 3 sessions, I am finding it helpful as only really have my sister to talk too, as my partner is blaming me for not being firmer with him/ her as a child, problems only started with him / her when going to secondary school, and discovered him/ her had benign tumour and over four years had a series of operations, around this time started coming up with strange ideas and thoughts, I knew something was wrong, GP sent him/her for autism test, was tested they said he/she wasn’t, mental health deteriorating , had psychosis and was diagnosed paranoid schizophrenic, took medication for a short time, started to feel better came off them, a year an a half later, psychosis again, new mental health team saying not schizophrenia autism, gender dysphoria and possibly ADHD , but don’t know for sure as wouldn’t let mental health team let me know as didn’t want me to know about gender disorder, I had only just found out before he fell out with me, would be grateful to here any other carers that have had similar experiences, as currently my mental health and relationship with his/ her dad on the rocks too.