Just saying hello

He obviously took great pride in his work and loved the independence, this will be crushing for him and his denial and reticence for a scooter are understandable.

Regarding friends helping and visiting some of his customers, you will discover who your real friends are when the chips are down because some won’t be able to handle it, won’t know what to do or say or find nothing in common anymore and may drift away, I hope none of your friends fit in those categories, but it if any do, it is human nature, unfortunately it is life.

I focus on quality of life for my mother because she is too frail for quantity of life eg going out every day. Her doctor said we get up with a jar of energy every day and my mother has a quarter of a jar and most of that is for her lungs. She’s finally agreed to having a wheelchair accessible vehicle because getting into the car is too much for her now - she has a day or two in bed recovering after that. So we can get out a bit more, then we have the heatwave and it is too hot for her to go out! However, we have it at the ready!
It is hard work at times being positive and making everything fun and happy, but the alternative is wringing our hands and saying how awful it is and weeping. I’m an upbeat person and I want to keep her happy and laughing, even if inside I am weeping at her frailty and angry about nature dealing that blow to her body.

We all work in different ways.
Another member mentioned that when they see friends the subject of giving care is banned, I hadn’t realised that I do that too, it is respite, carefree time.
Do whatever works for you.
It is not going to be easy for him and same for you seeing him go through it and supporting him and caring for him.
Be kind to yourself and be your own best friend.

Hi Deb

Firstly I’m sorry to read about the loss of your Mum, also about your husbands diagnosis.
You have had some experience of caring looking after your Mum. From my own situation and learning the hard way, pace yourself. I went all in from the start and am now totally burned out.
Breezey, Bowlingbun and Charles give great advice. They post lots of very useful advice and are true carers in every sense of the word.
The shower is a great idea, also rope in as many people as possible, get stuff done. Check the forums and anywhere that you can find out about help and funding. If needed hassle the hell out of the council until you get what you need.
I wish you all the best and please keep posting.


Depending on your savings, sometimes it is possible to qualify for a Disabled Facilities Grant from the council for things like a walk in shower, but you must NOT start any aspect of the work until it’s been approved. Feel free to ask “where can I get…” because sometimes there are sources of money that you may be unaware of.

Thank you everyone :slight_smile: