In a right mess yet again

Well where to start with this latest mess.

While my dad is in hospital due to a water infection and a heart condition which could be why he kept falling down, I have had to do my care role in looking after mum until respite was sorted out.
This has been a nightmare event, really I have not had a break as a carer or my own time to relax and been pushed to the edge more than once.

Before mum went into repite, I had to fight to get her into a mental health unit due to the fact that she was not right with her mental health and to keep her there for 4 days was a challenge, part of this was down to the fact that a so call friend of her had said dad only had 2 years too live which was a lie, there been grooming going on there which I have stopped.
People thought I just wanted to off load mum than wait until the respite but that was not the case, I was concern due to her behavior that rang alarm bells!

Since mum has been in respite and came out back home to me without warning, she is still the same way but I have found out that despite sign the contract to stay for another 2 weeks what made her come home, has got me into this mess.
while my parents have been away, it have given me chance to try and clear the house the best I can with some help when friends could help out but I have ended up doing my carers role alongside this with mum in respite. I don’t know if anyone has had the same trouble with a place doing respite care?

While mum was in respite care she has suffered from a water infection, chest infection, another water infection since she come home as well as her mental health. With the chest infection I was asked by the care homes to take her to A&E with the chest infection as no ambulance was free but also for some reason no staff could take her. I know by right they should have but this is what I got dumped with, we were not in A&E less than 20 mins before mum had enough and could not wait, yes it was busy but her mental health was playing up, I had to take her back home as she would not go back straight away to the care home but also from her creating a scene. I found out that mum had partly done this to see what I had done at home in tidying up, I did ring the homes to explain and phoned dad as well as, I was getting abuse from her.( This is a constance thing) I did get her back to the care home, if she would have not gone back, I don’t know what would have happen and that left me very stressed.
I know when there was a open day at the care home with a little fete, that mum was not well, I had to bring over some diazepam for her but also if she had to go back into a mental health unit according to the out of hours crisis team it would be england than wales which I think was a joke in bad taste, I wished it had been me speaking to the person from there than the care home manager.
I had even been asked on the Tuesday of last week to go and see mum to help calm her down as her appointment with the mental health doctor had be cancel with not reason until I found out on Wednesday the day she came home, that he was going to rely on reports from mum social worker and reports from the lithium clinic about mum. I was there on the Tuesday and witness her signing the new contract but also when her social worker phone the mental health doc secretary, she said to me that mum was unwell and need to see someone. I know that her lithium levels have been up and down like a yo-yo.
about every 2 weeks mum social worker from mental health and mine suppose to be from social services come for a meeting and it never seems to get anywhere than me being upset or dropped in the muck for one reason or another.( Both my local carers center and the wales cares are aware what it happening)

Well after this latest event where I was told that mum has the mental capacity to make her own mind up, they kept going on about more need to be done with the house but also bully me into saying that I had to be there on a certain date for a cleaning firm to come in to help me which is no need and I was either going to cancel it or arrange for another day as it did clash with something else which I have had to now cancel but keep this cleaning firm to come in. Well I had enough and told them straight that you are telling me that there are problems with mum but you are more interested in the house than her mental health, then I said I would have her back.(I was playing devils advocate here as I was being backed into a corner) Mum social worker said she would have to speak to mum about this, she knew the answer already. I get a call around lunch time from the care home when was I going to pick her up? I said I was not told she was coming home. I Tried to get hold of her social worker but no luck, spoke to someone where she was based and told to leave her there and things would be sorted out on monday. The homes ran again, I could hear mum kicking off in the background, I was told what mum was being liked and I did challenge them are you telling me that you just want rid of mum as you can’t handle her, I was told no and that was not the case. In the end I had to bring her home, if I had not they would have sent her home in a taxi. it was after this I found out she had another water infection but also why mum had said yes to come home that the staff had told me some of the things but not all of it. So I am stuck until monday to sort this mess out with the cares help.

I also got to sort out why she had not attend appointments but not been told about. I will be needing something myself.

Wow, Michael! After reading that I feel like going on a major rant about everything!

There’s so much going on there I think you’d be best to contact the Helpline to see if they can advise you, because I think there have been a number of things going on there that make it a safeguarding concern.

I suggest you use the email service and cut and paste from what you’ve told us for starters.

Goodness that’s a lot to deal with. I think if they had sent her home in a taxi they would have found themselves with a serious safeguarding complaint. I don’t know many taxi firms that would have taken her anywhere.

One thing I would try to get to the bottom of quickly is the recurrent urine infections. It could well be exacerbating her mental health issues as it’s a well known side effect. Messing her about with appointments changing is also going to have an impact and anything you (or anyone else) can do to help ease her confusion & hostility can only help matters.

I don’t know what other issues she has but I do know that ‘challenging behaviour’ is one of the asterisk conditions on the CHC form so it might be worth having a look at the rest of the list to see if you think she might have a case there.

Wishing you luck for tomorrow.

It’s a shame you brought her home, because i’m afraid you are both going to have to then go round the whole vicious circle again.
For different reasons, this happened to my mum. In the end I put my foot down and said she was NOT fit to live alone, totally immobile, unable even to turn in bed properly. I had a long, bitter battle with everyone. Finally she was moved to a nursing home, both Social Services and the NHS denied arranging this, but after an ambulance journey of two miles she was in so much pain they immediately had to give her morphine.
After an admission from the nursing home, to hospital, and then back again, mum told the GP that she was never EVER going back to Royal Bournemouth Hospital, and I understood why. The home said they could manage whatever happened apart from severe bleeding, so mum ended her days there.

I would contact the Care Quality Commission because it’s unacceptable for them to dump mum on you as she was too much for them to handle.

Try to ensure that your mum’s next move is her last one, to a place that can truly meet all her needs until her life ends.

Thanks for the input, I have emailed the helpline with the information and a bit extra of what has happened since I put it up on here. I know there is a lot I have got on my shoulders and happening to me but the way not only mum been treated but my self is wrong. Yesterday I had to take a lot of abuse off mum over what is going on with the care home but also what the social worker has said about me to mum but also trying to her son and carer and diplomat. I was in tears with even dad threatening to come home to help support me. As I am not having the life as a person but as a slave where despite my best efforts I am not pleasing anyone but just digging myself a early grave just for being a carer. This has to come to ahead as I am sick of people hiding behind all these acts but willing to side with one person who needs the help or care than listen to the person who is asking for the help and telling people that the person is ill but also what it is doing to our lives. I don’t know if people are waitting for me to do something silly before action will take place? I know the system let my cousin down, I don’t want it happen again to any of us being let down.