I'm exhausted, and lost me!

My Husband got Covid 19 last March he was one of the first in this country. I also had Covid. I was hospitalised on oxygen and my husband was in intensive Care in a Coma for 9 weeks. I fought hard to do everything I could to help him under the most frustrating, stressful circumstances.
To cut a long story short…
It took me 381 days to get my husband home with me. In all that time I have been completely on my own trying to recover myself with Covid and also other health problems (I won’t list them all to bore you) .
I had to move from a 3 bed council house in London to a 2 bed small bungalow in Kent to enable him to get home. No one offered help, I was exhausted with begging everyone for help, the council to re home us the social workers and occupational therapist to help but none was given (hence I done it all).
No problem there I just got on the best I could on days I had a little strength and the brain compactly to cope.

My problem now is, the readjusting to our new circumstances. Don’t get me wrong there’s nothing I haven’t done or would not do to care for my husband.
It’s just that I’m so exhausted and somewhere during these last 14 months I have seemed to lost me?

He does not recognise what I have done, suffered and sacrificed to keep him safe and get him home.

All I am good for now is a glorified poo :poop: and cleaner and all round dogs body.
I would gladly do all these which I am. But I’m so ill myself and don’t get time to rest. I am constantly in pain.

When we go out the getting ready is horrendous, it’s like having a child everything I have to pack and remember and do and the wheelchair is heavy always hurting myself.

My husband isn’t even grateful for everything I have done and do.
He can do lots more than he says but constantly asks me. He waits till I sit down and asks for something.

He never talks to me always on phone laughing with his friends and watching football :soccer: . I am just a carer now, I have ceased to be a person :sob:.

Before all this happened I was struggling with my own health but just smiled and carried on. And now I am totally exhausted that I don’t even have time for me.

Been married 20 years and we have never been close, but I believe in better or worse and I will continue to do my best.
But I’m so lonely :disappointed:

I am resenting my life! Don’t particularly want to be here anymore.
There is no way out…

Is this a normal way to feel?
Does this get any better?
Am I a total bitch?

No answers will offend.

Thanks for reading.


Hi Abigal

First of all, sorry that you’ve had such a tough time, particularly the last year. As a new member of the forum I want to wish you a warm welcome and highlight some options for connecting with fellow carers (including a ‘Care for a cuppa’ session running 3-4pm today, further info on how to sign up below) and also some options for talking to Carers UK if you need more support.

Carers UK are running online weekly meet ups for carers to take some time for themselves and chat to other carers. Feel free to join if you’d like to and there’s no pressure to share anything you don’t want to.

You can find information on how to register to our online meetups at the following pages:

Care for a Cuppa: Online meetups | Carers UK - the next online meet up is Monday 17 May (today!! running 3-4pm). This social is a great way to have a little break if you are able to and spend some quality time talking to people who understand what you are going through right now.

Share and Learn: Share and Learn | Carers UK - these sessions range from creative writing activities to beginners Latin dance sessions.

Our Telephone Helpline is available on 0808 808 7777 from Monday to Friday, 9am – 6pm or you can contact us by email (advice@carersuk.org)

Carers UK also provide information and guidance to unpaid carers. This covers a range of subjects including:

Benefits and financial support
Your rights as a carer in the workplace
Carers’ assessments and how to get support in your caring role
Services available to carers and the people you care for
How to complain effectively and challenge decisions.

Stop trying to be Superwoman and start calling HELP!

For a start, was a FREE 6 week package of care arranged by the hospital?
What outside help are you getting right now?

Hi Abigal, I’m sorry to hear about all your problems.
I know how you feel about losing your identity because I sometimes feel the same! I feel like wearing a badge with my name on it to remind me (and others) that I’m not just mums carer!
I’ve been caring for my mum for 6 years now officially but much longer really. She is now 90 and lives nearby. I had no idea what I was taking on. Her attitude has changed for the worse. She’s in constant pain and moans all the time. Nothing pleases her anymore.
Fortunately her mind is good so she doesn’t need someone with her all day, so the way I cope is by arranging things that make me happy in advance. So this week I have a dance class Monday morning and I’m meeting friends for a coffee on Thursday morning. For me these two outings recharge my batteries and help me feel happy again. I now feel have some control over the situation.
Are you able to go out leaving your husband on his own for awhile? Make an effort to do something nice for you. You are important and you deserve something that will help you feel better.
BB is right about asking for help - don’t try to do this all on your own.