I Need Help - All Alone With This

Hi, so to explain my current situation… I am 26 and currently living with my two parents. My Mum has been severely disabled since I was around 10 years old… she has a history of heart problems, she is completely blind, becoming quite deaf, has severe chronic pain issues, type 1 diabetes, numb hands and feet, very unsteady on her feet, osteoporosis and osteoathritis… These are her main issues. My Dad is a 73 year old uninterested father and husband… I work part time so Dad does the cooking really while I do the cleaning, shopping and give mum her injections and showers. My Dad has a binge drinking problem and is just a very negative, nasty man to live with… last night there was a huge incident where he split his dead after a drunken fall and I had to phone emergency services since there was a lot of blood coming from his head. Last night’s trauma has made me realise I have had more than I take with the chronic stress of my family household… I am 26 and having nothing to show for my life because of my family issues and dysfunctions… My dad’s now become
incontinent too and is showing signs of forgetfulness. I have to leave, I have no where to go or no one to help… but I cant live like this… I really cant… I have never had a moments break in my entire life… I have my own curcumstantial mental health issues with depression, anxiety, long term complex trauma etc. I am not capable of coping anymore but I dont know what to do. Mum has deteriorated so much and whilst I hate my dad, I love him because hes my dad and want to ensure both of their security but I need to start building a life for myself. What can I do to achieve this? Dad cant be left to live alone with mum… Mum’s soon to turn 62 so she’s still quite young for all her health issues. And I’m scared of my Dad losing his temper with me stirring the pot with this but I cant live here anymore and I need to ensure my Mum can be taken care of… We have no family or friends really that is available to help. What do I do? I feel all alone with this and life is becoming more and more difficult I feel I can’t cope and I’m scared of what I might end up doing to myself.

Dad sounds to be the major annoyance right now. It sounds like a war zone, no peace for you or mum. What does mum say about him?

Start by talking to your own doctor about you own feelings, ask for counselling, and then ask Social Services for an URGENT Carers Assessment.

Hello & welcome

No 1 you are not alone you are here. And here is where we can advice you where to seek help. And there is help.

Firstly as mentioned there needs to be a social services assessment. If your parents maybe reluctant don’t worry. You can still have a carers assessment. That doesn’t have to involve them. There are many carers groups and I suggest you link up to one quickly. These groups are armed with helping strategies knowledge and advice etc.




Hi K_2201

As Sunnydisposition says, you’re not alone and reaching out on this forum is a good first step in getting help. As a forum ambassador I wanted to wish you a warm welcome.

There are a couple of different options for connecting with fellow carers and for getting support from Carers UK.

Carers UK run online weekly meet ups for carers to take some time for themselves and chat to other carers. Feel free to join if you’d like to and there’s no pressure to share anything you don’t want to. I’m sure you’ll find many other carers are in a similar situation to yourself.

You can find information on how to register to our online meetups at the following pages:

Care for a Cuppa: Online meetups | Carers UK - the next online meet up is next Monday (Monday 24 Jan), 15.00-16.00 with further sessions shown in that link. This social is a great way to have a little break if you are able to and spend some quality time talking to people who understand what you are going through right now.

Share and Learn: Share and Learn | Carers UK - these sessions range from creative writing activities to beginners Latin dance sessions.

I suggest you also get in touch with the Carers UK helpline to discussion your situation and what support is available

The Carers UK Telephone Helpline is available on 0808 808 7777 from Monday to Friday, 9am – 6pm or you can contact us by email (advice@carersuk.org). They can help provide support and guidance on:

  • Benefits and financial support
  • Your rights as a carer in the workplace
  • Carers’ assessments and how to get support in your caring role
  • Services available to carers and the people you care for
  • How to complain effectively and challenge decisions.

Hi K,

How are things at the moment?
Have Social Services now done Needs Assessments for both your parents, and a Carers Assessment for you?
Keep in touch, we will give you all the support we can, to help improve things.
In the mean time, what does mum’s doctor know of the situation?
Have you told your GP how you feel?