How life can change in a year

12 months ago I was caring 24 /7 getting no sleep and stressing over the prospect that Dad may need residential care and all the financial implications of being under 60 living in Dad’s house. I thought I would post an update so people can see that things change and to offer light at the end of the tunnel, I still feel as though I am on a rollercoaster and life hasn’t slowed down since my caring days but nearly 12 months on I have been through the house and overseen much needed modernising and decorating. I took on board a second rescue dog after the first 3 months and have just taken in 2 separate lodgers with dogs and have a date next week, oh and I forgot to mention the 2 jobs! EEEk dates what are they ? Never a dull moment. :open_mouth:

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I’m so pleased that you have a date next week, enjoy!

Wow, Henrietta, how your life has changed, in just a year!

House sorted, ( wish mine was.)

Two lodgers with dogs!!

And a date!! Fantastic. (No advice to offer, perhaps re-read Sajehar’s thread!)


Oooh! A date :kiss: And 2 jobs :woohoo:
you dark horse Henrietta

Do keep us posted, we haven’t had a real life story to follow for quite a while now

Such an inspiration you are! Life doesn’t have to change for the worse after caring,
Wish my house was sorted too, although have my plans.
2 jobs? I’m intregued.
Date, even more intregued!
Enjoy, stay happy and as I used to say to my daughter’s be careful lol.

Henrietta, you SO deserve this!


If there is one thing that caring (ie, being ‘chained’ to someone else) teaches us, it is to ENJOY our ‘freedom’ when we get it.


And let us hope that your ‘revived’ dad (and mum) ‘up there somewhere’ are cheering you on now!!!


Hey Henrietta!

Am SO glad for you I really am!! You go for it - the cage doors are well and truly open!!

I know my path has a way to go yet but your story inspires me - one day I will be free too …just hope I can hang on to my home!

Chuffed to bits for you! xxx

Oh Diane, I am rooting for you SOOOOO much.

PLEASE please please let you be FREEEEEE soon, soon, soon!


That is marvellous. Your dad would have been so proud. I think we need more details though, especially about the date.

I am over 3 years on and still can’t believe that I have weekends free! And when the phone rings, it is not necessarily bad news. There is a life past caring but sometimes it is difficult to believe.

You are an inspiration …

I think the date was a one off but perhaps a wake up call I should/could be looking? So difficult to know where to find the time even if I was keen on someone. Yes the doors are wide open but a steady stampede of hephalumps going through the door!

Hey Henrietta,

Date/no date - who cares - you are wise so just enjoy the attention. There may be a lovely guy - even ex carer out there - you can both look back and smile at us poor plonkers stuck here still! :wink: xx

Anne - I was so reminded of Chris from the Gulag’s words that have always stuck with me - “what goes in isn’t what comes out” …I know it takes a long time to realise the cage is open and after that, get over being ‘institutionalised’

Jenny - still trying to keep my faith. Thank you!!! One day I hope you and I will have a celebratory coffee together!


What goes in isn’t what comes out.

I’m flattered … Former Carers thread … for stating the obvious ?

For many former carers , part of who they were was lost during those caring years and … at the same time , part of what they are now was gained during those same years ?

Be wary of just what has been let loose … after being caged for so long ?

The word ANACHRONISM springs to mind … sums me up to a tee … and not a golfing one.

I feel like I am a bit of a tough old boot and as mentioned in another thread won’t take any nonsense from anyone. All that lovey dovey stuff is so not me. The last thing I need is soneone worrying about me being out in the dark or not home on time etc etc- it would drive me doolally.

I know a lovely couple, the lady concerned was one of M’s tutors at one service, her husband was keen on steam engines so we always catch up at one show each year. They live in their own houses, but get together regularly and are clearly very fond and caring of each other. I think this sort of relationship is very good for people who don’t want to be alone all the time, but don’t want to surrender everything either.
I tried internet dating a couple of times, one man was going to have to sell his house and buy a flat so he could afford an operation, couldn’t look me in the eye at all, so that didn’t go beyond the first coffee. The second was shorter than me, although I said I was only interested in someone 6ft plus, and all he talked about all evening was his mother’s money!!
I would really like to have a man of my own age, in my life again, and I’m sure there must be a man I could get on with somewhere, but where?!

All I do now is try and sort out M’s care.

Diane - I think we’ll make that a bottle of fizz! You will SOOOOO deserve that. :slight_smile:

B B - I think that kind of ‘live out’ relationship at ‘our age’ is a very good one. It retains mutual independence (and keeps finances separate - absolutely essential, especially if there are children) but gives one ‘someone in one’s life’ etc etc. Space all round.

In a weird way, it’s like being a twenty-something singleton again! (But without the slender figure and smooth skin, sigh, sigh )!sigh

BB - WAY UP is very sociable! (Though doubtless awash with widows rather than widowers - the latter can pick and choose!)

Yes dates what are they? Are they something you eat?

Jackie, in this context a date means a social or romantic meeting out somewhere.

Hi Jackie - caring can be a pretty lonely lifestyle. Take care of yourself.

I think I missed the irony here … :flushed:

Too used to autism and literal thinking, Melly1…