How do I deal with terrible guilt, want to run away?

Good parents should want their children to live life to the full, to have fun, holidays, a career. Not surrender everything that is important to that child if they live a long time, get old, or disabled. I have two sons, the oldest fit and well, the youngest with learning difficulties who lives in a flat 15 miles away. My oldest will manage the discretionary trust after I die, and “keep an eye” on M, but I would never want or expect him to care for M.

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I’ve just logged on after a couple of months and read through the whole of this thread.
Isn’t it sad how many people there are caring thanklessly for very old relatives who seem to feel entitled to such kindness and show no gratitude.
Peter made some very brave comments about how this makes him and his wife feel, and I am grateful that there is a forum like this where people can offload and share their feelings.
It’s so easy to feel that you are the only one experiencing this particular situation, it does help to know that you’re not cold and uncaring - but human. Thanks :pray:.

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Hugs. Tell us a bit more.

Jane you are so right . Often the people we care for are mega difficult. My husband is medically non compliant and this is starting to take a toll on my mental health. I am very lucky as I have good friends I can offload too but really it is only those who have cared, who really understand . I too feel we need to get this out in the open and many carers do feel resentful and yes, angry.

Helena, I am sorry to hear about your own circumstances and how this leads to you feeling resentful and angry - all very understandable.
As I have said, it’s so sad that a theme that links many of the posts throughout the forum is the unending and unpredictability of the caring role, leading to many carers feeling wiped out, burnt out and sometimes into a diagnosable mental health condition.
I have been moved to self refer to on line mental health services via the nhs as I can no longer live with the feelings of anxiety, and the fear of this escalating into depression.
I do all the “ healthy” things advised like time out, and trying to put in boundaries ( much easier said than done), but the feeling of dread when the phone rings or yet another demand is made on me still feels overwhelming.
Trying to put on a happy face also takes its toll.
To all you carers out there, you are heroes !!

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Hello Kiki

Thanks for posting in Carers Connect about your situation and how you have been feeling recently. In addition to all of the helpful comments from other members, I wanted to draw your attention to this page on the Carers UK website about coping with feelings of guilt, resentment and other difficult emotions.

I hope you find this information helpful.


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Yes it’s exhausting isn’t it.


Yes it is. But what is the alternative? There simply is not one.

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