How do I cope with this?

Hi everyone, I’m all new to this website, and also new to caring for someone with mental health… Here’s my story.

my on and off partner of 7 years has recently been diagnosed with BPD and I’m really struggling with it all, I know I probably sound selfish as he’s the one with the problems but I just feel so alone, no matter what I do, it never seems good enough, or no matter what I do or say its never right, I’m trying so hard to help and support him with this but I also feel like im hitting my head off a brick wall, things I do make him angry but he also does the same things and that’s okay :roll_eyes: I go to all his appointments with him and literally spend all day and night with him because he don’t like being alone, but we’re not doing anything, he’s either on his phone or on the ps4, I don’t feel any love or affection from him at all, it’s so horrible, sorry to sound like a horrible person but I just don’t know what to do :pensive:

Hi Emily,

You don’t sound horrible you sound like a very caring person who is exhausted and drained. You need a support system around you and some respite for yourself or you just won’t cope and that’s not being selfish it’s being practical. What about family yours and his? Any help available there? Find a local mental health support group if there is one. Try and get some counselling for you to talk through your options it’s not always expensive. Or join a church where there are people who can listen to your needs don’t try to battle this alone or make decisions while you are upset. Hope things get better for you.

Four links to outside help with may be of assistance here :

NEEDS assessment ( Through your own LA ) :

Getting a social care needs assessment - NHS

CARERS assessment ( Again , through your LA ) :
Carer's Assessment - Advice and help for Carers | Age UK

Mind … the leading UK charity for mental health issues … main page + contact details :

I am exhausted to be honest, I’m finding everything a little hard at the moment, none of my family like him as none of them understand why he is the way he is or does the things he does, and his family ar not supportive at all, they all say they will be there for him but when it come down to it there no where, and I literally have noone to help me, I feel like I’m constantly nagging or moaning at him for the things he does and I feel so terrible for it but I feel like I need some help to, we have to meet with the mental health team next week and hopefully they will help us, he’s been put on new medication to help him sleep, I’m hoping they work as when he don’t sleep neither do I, I also have a 5 year old little girl (different dad) who I have to look after and my partner has a 7 year old little boy (different mum) who comes to stay in weekends, which are very very tiring😕


I am exhausted to be honest,

Outside help … what’s the alternative ?

LA and Mind … links posted … trouble is , they won’t find you.

Could you sleep in your little girl’s room instead?

Sleep deprivation makes everything seem a million times worse.

Im not sure how we’ll that would go down and he would feel like he’s done something wrong, which I know he can’t help it not sleeping and it’s not his fault

Emily, you need your sleep. He should understand this, if my husband was keeping me awake I would sleep in our spare room, then take him a cuppa and we would have a cuddle and talk about things. It can’t always be about him, sometimes your own needs matter more. That’s just normal give and take in a marriage.

I agree with bowlingbun. Occasionally I would go to the spare room too, but used to explain to my hubby that it was to help him sleep as well as me. It actually worked as we weren’t worried about disturbing each other. Both felt much better for sleep. Essential!