Hi I’m a fairly new carer to my Fiancé and I’m struggling

Here’s the story,

We’ve been together 3 years in October. Met in high school and have been together ever since. I am 19F and he is 20M. He didn’t always have a diagnosis, it was February last year when he had a serious Suicide attempt (to which I was witness over facetime) at university when medical professionals and his family started to listen to him. This is when I became his carer.

He had ADHD, Bioplar Disorder, High blood pressure, Boarder line personality disorder and he’s colour blind so a lot of shit with a lot of pills. He’s very impulsive and has an addictive personality. But he is the sweetest.

I’ve been feeling really guilty lately because I’m getting so frustrated at him, at the minute I feel like all I do is plan our day so he had a structure so he can get his school work done and do all the house work. Sometimes I feel like I’m his mother and I know he hates me picking up after him. I try to give him his independence back and I know he’s trying so hard to be okay with daily life and the mountain of pills he has to take. But there’s one issue That’s getting in the way - his tiredness. when he gets tired or hasn’t slept properly his pills make him seem like he’s drunk or high and he’s very hard to understand and very irritable which leads to arguments for no reason.

How can I help him and myself communicate better as we are moving into a flat by ourselves next year and I need to be able to feel like I can prevent arguments and create a safe and calming environment for us both.

Hello Scarlet

I wanted to wish you a warm welcome to the forum, this sounds like a really difficult situation for you. I wanted to highlight some options for connecting with fellow carers and for getting support from Carers UK should you need it.

We’re running online weekly meet ups for carers to take some time for themselves and chat to other carers. Feel free to join if you’d like to and there’s no pressure to share anything you don’t want to. I’m sure you’ll find others in a similar position to yourself.

You can find information on how to register on the following pages Scarlet:

Care for a Cuppa: https://www.carersuk.org/help-and-advic … ne-meetups - the next online meet up is tomorrow (Tuesday 20 July), 11.30-12.30 with further sessions shown in that link. This social is a great way to have a little break if you are able to and spend some quality time talking to people who understand what you are going through right now.

Share and Learn: https://www.carersuk.org/help-and-advic … e-sessions - these sessions range from creative writing activities to beginners Latin dance sessions.

There is also Carers UK’s helpline should you need advice or support - Our Telephone Helpline is available on 0808 808 7777 from Monday to Friday, 9am – 6pm or you can contact us by email (advice@carersuk.org)

It would be lovely see you at one of our sessions!

with all good wishes

I’m very concerned that you are not going to have a young free time in your life if this relationship continues.

Hello Scarlet,
I’m glad you’re thinking of the future but are you sure you really want to live with this man 24/7?
It sounds like a huge responsibility you’re taking on.