Going to university soon but feel guilty

So my mum has been disabled since 2009 after she gave birth to my little sister, I don’t really know what happened, we found out last year, that she had a slipped disc, and she can’t have surgery since there’s a risk of paralysis. So I’ve been taking care of her since I was 5 along with my two younger sisters, and now I’m going university next year. I can’t wait to go University, I talk about it literally everyday, but I can’t help but feel selfish and an immense wave of guilt, because I’m leaving her behind to pursue my dreams, while my mum can never pursue her own ones again. How can I cope with this?

Hi & welcome

Sorry to hear of Mum’s ill health! I’m sure your Mum would wish you the same life chances. That she also had before her illness.
You have a right to experience all that you can. As you can see know one knows what will happen. So you need to grab everything you can while you can. We can not live another persons life. We can only support to the best of our ability. And I think you can certainly say you have support your family.

The way to support Mum to get the right support care package. For when you leave for Uni. Has there be a recent needs support access done.

How old are your sisters?

Hi there

Hello and welcome to the forum, you’re in the right place to unload and get support.

If you’d like to join other carers online we run weekly meetups and Share and Learn sessions. You’d be very welcome to join, these are informal sessions and a good way to connect with people who understand your situation:



Best wishes


Hi, my sisters are 13 and 12

Your sisters will be seeing what happens to your life. And they need to know they will have options when they leave school.

What help currently do you all give to your Mum. Your are all carers in your own right. And you are all entitled to individual support.


If Mum gets a lot of support from you all. She is entitled to a needs assessment. Are your sisters schools aware that they are young carers.

The best way forward is to get Mum as much support as possible. So you girls can relax and concentrate of your own lives. This doesn’t mean you don’t care for Mum. It means Mum is then independent and in charge of her own care.