Hello, I am looking for advice please…my very elderly mum lives at home, she has dementia and is double incontinent. Lately she has been taking off her pads and weeing /pooing on the floor not everyday but very often. The community matron has visited her and she complained to the care agency about the smell. My mum is funding her own care but I have just put a claim into the council for financial help as her savings are now £20,000 and dwindling rapidly as I have to take at least £1,200 from her savings per month to pay for her care and meal delivery. Now social services are involved and I have been told I need to get the house a deep clean, at my mum’s expense and arrange a weekly cleaner via age uk. This will cost £20 per hour and the minimum is 1.5 hours per week. Well my mums carers used to keep the house pretty shipshape and I agree with the deep clean but it’s the ongoing cleaning which is a problem. I live 130 miles away, working running my own business and can’t get down to visit my mum very often. Why can’t the carers carry on with the cleaning? What happens when my mums saving run out? Who knows how long the council will take to give her some financial help with paying for the care she receives. She can’t pay for cleaners as well until I know what help she will get. The social worker is giving it all for me to deal with, my mental health is a a very low ebb after just going through a very hard divorce, I have had no money myself for 18 months and am still waiting on a pension share form my ex hence working all hours. I really don’t know what to do and this is stressing me out. I really don’t know how willing I am to be involved anyway which seems harsh but I really have had enough. Any advice or experiences will be gratefully received.
The council in my area North Yorkshire are cutting services and only provide the care, any other services, shopping, cleaning you have to pay for yourselves.
The council should be stepping in to help as the savings figure is £23,250, your mum now has less than that.
Has anyone told you about Continuing Health Care, it’s free NHS Care but you need to qualify to get it, ask the GP for a CHC assessment.
As your mum has dementia and is doubly incontinent, your mum clearly needs more help so may qualify for CHC.
The social worker should be helping with all this but often don’t leaving the family to sort things out.
Hopefully other forum members can advise a bit more.
Thanks for advice…the social worker is hounding me. Calling and emailing to ask if I have sorted this out…she only emailed me the details of who I need to contact late this morning and I have not had the time to really look into this. She wants me to call her which I will do when I have some time to spare, she is very long winded and tells me the same thing over and over again. I really didn’t expect the council to pay for cleaning but until help with care funding is out in place not sure my mum can afford a weekly cleaner. Hadn’t thought about CHC
I know you are the daughter, but you are NOT responsible for mum. Social Services are trying it on. They MUST now do a full financial assessment, tell them that there will be NO MORE MONEY until they do! Yes, you can do that. Mum needs full time nursing care now, it’s only going to get worse and worse from now on. Is she claiming Attendance Allowance. Did you know she was EXEMPT from Council Tax since the day of diagnosis, and this can be backdated?
If they want it deep cleaned, they’d better get on and organise it, and pay for it themselves.
Thanks Bowlingbun, she is really stressing me out…two more phone calls and long message. I am not my mum keeper daughter or not. I have done my stint and moved away as I needed a new life. You are right if social services want the house deep cleaned the they should sort it out. Yes she gets attendance allowance, guaranteed pension income credits and pays no council tax. I have sent an email saying I won’t be organising the cleaning anytime soon. The social worker has been mentioning neglect and so I think this has been up,one’d for her to get sorted.
Put your answer phone on. If you don’t want the social worker calling, block her number an tell her to email you instead. In this way you will have written evidence of what is going on, she may not realise! Keep a diary of calks, print off emails and file them. You are sitting on a volcano, it’s tough, but be strong. I have had years of problems, made Hampshire refund £8,000 of funds wrongly charged!!!
Have already had two emails from social worker, still wants to call me. I have emailed her asking for proper needs assessment. Financial assessment and CHC assessment. Have told her I won’t make decisions as to the care my mum needs, I don’t have a health and welfare LPA nor do I feel qualified to do so. She also sent me a consent form which I had already signed and returned to her grrr. She still seems to want to pass the buck as much as she can.
Consent form? For what?
Go to the website for the council and search for “Adult Services Complaints”. Fill in the form.
Complain especially that your request to communicate via email is being ignored.
DO NOT ANSWER HER CALLS. BLOCK HER NUMBER!
The consent form for for her details to be shared, it was from Hillingdon council…it looks like she is now getting on and sorting out what my mum needs. Thank you for your help Blowingbun 
Thanks to everyone else you have helped me with links etc. It’s good to know you are out there.
That’s good news.
Does mum own or rent her home?
If you don’t have Power of Attorney, apply to the DWP to become mum’s DWP “appointee”. Then you can manage mum’s benefits on her behalf. Don’t let the council do this instead of you.
If she rents it and goes into care, the home will need to be cleared.
If she owns it, the value if the home will be considered. If you were hoping to move there one day, then it is in your best interests for mum to stay there as long as possible with increasing amounts of care. If she is considered eligible for Continuing Healthcare funding, then as that is an NHS service they do not charge for their services or consider the value of the house.
Social worker still hounding me…mainly by email now. She wants my mum to have a new mattress as it it is cleaned like the rest of the house is being deep cleaned, then it won’t be dry by the time my mum goes to bed! There is no other bed in the house. She is expecting me to get a new mattress delivered to her, will the carer stay all day to wait in for it to be delivered and then lug it up the stairs and remove old one, lug that down the stairs and dispose of it. For me to go it would mean not working for three days as would have to go the night before and probably stay night of delivery also I would need to stay in a hotel and put my dogs in kennels, I can’t afford that for a start money nor time wise. I am in my sixties and aren’t capable of heaving a mattress about! 
Tell her that you are “not in a position” to be able to help. Do not elaborate.
If they want her to have a new mattress, that’s fine. If she’s going to spend a long time in bed, then she needs an air mattress and a hospital bed provided on loan by the NHS!
Contact the O/T for the bed and pressure mattress.
Even if they say that she doesn’t need an air mattress, from what you say she certainly needs a completely waterproof mattress, otherwise a new mattress will be ruined the first day.
Thank you for your help I was wondering how a new mattress would stay clean even with a mattress on it! I will be taking your advice !
Unfortunately I understand more about these issues than I ever wanted to!!!
I have also read that she should have an O.T. assessment which she hasn’t had at least then they can decide which equipment she needs. AS I DONT KNOW. Thank you for sharing your experience Bowlinbun.xx