Yes, it’s all awful, but we all know that one day our parents won’t be with us any more.
I know that you will be completely exhausted if mum’s care needs have become more than one person can manage.
Where are you with the process, is mum still with you?
Has she now moved into a home?
There is a “tumble dryer full of emotions” at times like this.
The best way to deal with things is on a one job at a time basis.
Here’s how I approached things after my husband died, with no warning, at 58. Again when mum moved into residential care.
I found a lever arch file, lots of plastic sleeves, and some dividers.
I put all the papers relating to one topic in the same sleeve, e.g. gas, electric, insurance, etc etc.
Then I put them in the file in order of importance.
It was a mountain of work, so I decided that I would deal with ONE thing a day, two at most.
For each subject, I would write down who I spoke to, date, time, what was agreed.
As far as Social Services are concerned, do NOT have long conversations.
Insist that they email everything so they can’t deny things later. In your case, say that you need it in writing so you can keep your sibling informed.
Then decide at what time of the day you are going to stop worrying about mum and start taking care of yourself.
Are you eating OK?
Be sure to go out for a stroll every day, to help body and mind.
You WILL survive this.
Somehow I’ve survived the loss of my mum, dad, brother, and husband.
I’ve survived cancer, I’ve survived a head on smash that left me disabled, but now well again after knee replacements.
Start another folder looking at what you would like to do in future, what you’ve missed out on, where to go etc.
I found a book called Starting Again by Sarah Litvinoff really helpful.
Primarily designed for divorcees, but very relevant for anyone at a crossroads in life.
It focuses on the reader alone, as I married at 19, I’d never even lived alone!
I was keen to do the “right thing” but it took ages working out exactly what that was!!!
Avoid making any big lifechanging decisions for at least a year.