Enough now

I am fed up. I’m sick and tired of this stupid year and all it is throwing at us. Three weeks ago my brother suffered a catastrophic brain injury and has been in a coma ever since. Last week my husband was confirmed as having vascular dementia. And today my 95 year old mother has been diagnosed with Covid. And we are told to have a merry Christmas… But thank you all for being there and allowing me to rant.

Kate, I’m really sorry to hear that this is shaping up to be a rubbish Christmas.
For a few years it seemed as if our elderly relatives had a “Christmas in Hospital” rota. Either just in, in, or just out. Whichever it was, it still involved us having Christmas Dinner and then visiting, trying to be upbeat and positive when I was simply dog tired. My youngest son was brain damaged at birth, so he stayed home with his dad or brother.
Inevitably, I had a bad chest infection every January. Now all four parents, husband, brother and sister in law all dead. I miss them all.
You CANNOT deal with all this by yourself.
Counselling helped me set my priorities, something you need to consider.
There is little you can do to help your brother.
You cannot see your mum, as it’s too risky.
So your husband is your top priority.
He will now be entitled to Attendance Allowance, assuming he is 65+, and exemption from Council Tax.
Now, more than ever, try to concentrate on what is important to you, what will help in future.
A dishwasher and a tumble dryer are always top of my recommended list, I call them my “mechanical slaves”.

Thank you so much for your reply. I think I’m as organised as I can be. I have POAs, AA and council tax organised. My wonderful daughters are very supportive.
The sad news is my lovely brother died this morning. It was so hard to have to tell my Mum over the phone as we are unable to visit her but she is in a lovely care home and someone sat with her while she received the devastating news.
Life can be so cruel but I think every carer knows that.

I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your brother, Kate. This is a dreadful year for so many and you have more than most to deal with. Please use us as you see fit. Ask questions, rant away or just chat, our shoulders are broad and sadly we all have experience of caring in one form or another.

Thinking of you x

Hi Kate, very sorry to hear about your brother.
I lost my husband suddenly from a heart attack.
In time you will be glad that at least your brother wasn’t left desperately dependent for the rest of his life, but at the moment, I know you will be totally stunned and devastated. Be kind to yourself.
Is there anyone around to help you with the final arrangements?

Thanks so much for your support.

Sorry to hear about your brother Kate. Xx