I have registered on this website not as a carer but because I am concerned for my Mum who is my Gran’s carer. I am hoping to get some advice on how to speak to my gran to lessen the impact she is having on my Mum…
My Gran (as many people on this forum have experienced) refuses care despite struggling to cope in general, and with sight and memory loss. My Mum travels up and down (1 hr round trip) to help her, often staying over. She is in her late 70s herself so this is exhausting for her.
The main issue however is that the memory loss means my Gran sometimes turns on my Mum, accusing her of not caring about her. The most recent is that she thinks my Mum didn’t want her there at Christmas, despite the fact that my Mum was up there for several hours trying to persuade her to come.
The outcome is usually a choice:
a) Tell her she is mistaken, which leaves her very upset and baffled as she clearly doesn’t remember
b) Leave her thinking that she is justified in her anger and hope she forgets about it
If option a) was lasting, then this would clearly be the right route, but she never seems to remember and bringing it up again and again is hard on all of us.
This situation keeps happening, I know she is irrational, but because she is pretty rational a lot of the time it is really hard for my Mum to deal with. I can see it having an effect on my Mum and her health and I really want to help her.
I would like some help with understanding how to speak to someone with memory loss, but who is otherwise very articulate and cognitively fine. All the advice out there seems to be for severe memory loss or dementia which does not fit.
Thanks in advance.