Dropped in at the deep end.

Hi there!

Okay, so. I’m 21, and usually I live in York. The rest of my family live a 2 hour drive away, and since I can’t drive visits are few and far between. I love them dearly, but I also love my city and my life there.

We’ve known that my granny has had problems with her memory for a while, and were in the process of getting her officially diagnosed when lockdown started. My aunt (a nurse) said it’s most likely vascular dementia brought on by a few minor strokes my granny has had over the years.
Anyway, about a week into lockdown my granny fell and broke her wrist. She went to stay with my aunt (her daughter), but things became increasingly tense - my granny thought that my aunt’s house was actually hers, and so would pitch a fit every time someone would take something out of the house, and insisted on trying to do housework despite her wrist still being in a splint. I got a call about this 2 weeks ago, and since my dad is generally pretty useless knew that the only way my granny would be able to move back home and be looked after properly is if I moved in with her.

Here’s the thing. My granny has no wifi, and lives in a signal and 4G blackspot. I’m basically cut off from all of my friends, and a 2 hour drive away from home (it should be noted; I can’t drive). The only way I’m typing this is via the neighbour’s wifi. I haven’t been paid in 2 months and Universal Credit is screwing me around, so I have no money whatsoever, and yet still have to pay for the rent on my houseshare back at home.

My dad is “helping” which basically amounts to me telling him what to do and him mostly ignoring me until I do it instead. I have no idea what I’m doing, or I’m expected to do. I only graduated from uni last year. I feel completely lost and out of my depth because I really didn’t know how bad granny had gotten until now. She keeps thinking I’m my dad’s wife, who hasn’t been living with him for 4 years. She calls my pet rabbit a dog. If you don’t set out her clothes for her, she’ll just wear the same outfit and underwear for days at a time. And worst yet, every time I try and do something as simple as washing the dishes, she’ll slap at my shoulder and tell me off because she’ll do it - but I know that she’ll forget about it in two minutes.

I just feel like everyone in my family expects me to become a professional nurse overnight, but I’ve been diagnosed with depression for 5 years and I can barely look after myself sometimes, nevermind another person! I just…really don’t know what to do here.
Sorry for the rant, but no one’s listening to me in my real life and god I need to talk to someone.

TLDR: I’ve legit just got out of uni and my family expects me to drop everything, move across the country and become a nurse for my granny with dementia. But I feel completely out of my depth and struggle with my own mental health a lot. Help?

TELL dad and aunt that you are going home to your place next Friday. This is NOT your problem to sort out, it is THEIRS. I am appalled that they should do this to you. After all your studies you deserve a good life, not this!

Your granny will only get worse and worse, and it will simply be impossible for just you to look after her 24 hours a day 7 days a week and it is not fair on you , you are young you should be out enjoying yourselfs.

I was looking after a lady with dementia, she got worse and worse and couldn’t remember how to use the toilet, accidents all over the house, even with family, me and paid carers, in the end the only option was a care home.

And that really is the only option here, you are suffering from depression already, your mental health will get worse if you carry on caring.

We are all responsible for our own happiness.
If we don’t stick up for ourselves no one else will.
Do not allow yourself to be the sacrificial lamb so dad and aunt can avoid THEIR responsibilities.

Hello and welcome

Contact social services. Ask them to take over.