Hi. So again I am writing in this just feeling absolutely depressed at my situation. I am getting fed up of the lack of help currently. I feel lost and I am so depressed, nothing is making me happy anymore. In fact I am scared, alone and depressed. Therapy is not working. Nothing is working. I know what I want, and I know it’s possible, but the whole damn world is impossible now.
So I’m now finally in my own shared place. I hate it so much. The room is dead silent, I hear nothing of the world around me. The silence is deafening. It’s also very dark. I just hate it. But it’s all I have. I spent the whole night last night throwing up even though I hadn’t eaten, I knew it would make it worse.
This morning coming to work, the stupid door at my workplace jammed as it does every morning.
I eventually got inside and just fell to my knees sobbing. No one else was in at that time. I knew at that point I should ring mums social worker, but when I called she was busy surprise surprise.
Yesterday I found out about my mums position on the list for supported housing. So she isn’t actually on the list yet because more assessments need to be done including a financial and landlord check. However before those they have to contact the council and apply that way again even though she only got put on the list before Christmas. Why they have to do it again I don’t know. As for the financial assessment why can’t they just use the one they did when they checked for her care package. Apparently this could take another month.
That brings me on to the care package, it has still not been signed off.
I don’t understand what the problem is with these people.
I just know I can’t carry on. I hate my life right now and I see no way forward. I’m depressed and nothing is working, I am alone but no one is listening. Family are non existent and evil nasty people. Friends I have none. My partner is far from me now. Money is tight.
I feel so ashamed really. I feel horrible that all I can afford is a horrible bedroom in a house share even then it’s a stretch. I work full time, but it’s only minimum wage. I have asked my boss for a pay rise but he won’t. I just hate everything.
On top of it all, my relationship has failed. All the tensions of all this have broken my relationship down. I am too weak to continue. I’m not sure I want to carry on.