My story is only 4 weeks old and it already feels like a decade!
4 weeks ago I went upstairs to see if my wife wanted any lunch only to find her on our bed conscious but unresponsive, panic sets in and then I see the multiple packets of paracetamol and anti depressants all open and empty, ambulance called, paramedics find self harm marks I didn’t even know existed and a night in hospital on Obs and visit from the crisis team follow, after she self discharges she was to have visits by the crisis team, these happen over the weekend followed by a visit to the consultant on monday, I receive a message from my wife telling me that the Dr thinks it’s best that she is admitted but as there are no beds in town available they would do twice daily visits and see from there, when I come home from work crisis team come round and i find out that the Dr gave lorazopam to help with the anxiety but she had taken 4 doses all in one go, it is discussed and decided between us all that its best she goes into hospital, a bed becomes available on tuesday at 3pm we are told at 1pm in those hours between my wife does some more self harming, we go into hospital and she is admitted, when I go and visit in the morning next day her wrists are bandaged because she has tried to slit them at night, it’s only 3 days after the overdose, obviously there are meetings and talking with Drs and nurses about medication and trying to find things out, 4 days later she jumps off of the wardrobe in her room onto her head and ends up in A&E, 2 black eyes, bruised face, strained and bruised wrist, twisted little finger and bruising to her legs, the staff at the hospital decide she is at high risk and remove all of the furniture and all of her belongings from her room, understandably she kicks of because she demands to leave she ends up on a section, we then spend the next week working at making her safe, the week after we are at the stage when she is coming home and spending time with me and our daughters (7, 11 & 14) this had been going really well and getting easier and more natural.
Sunday 10th Feb I get a phone call from the ward to tell me they have taken her to A&E but she has told them not to tell me what has happened, much texting and ignored calls later she answers and tells me she has taken an overdose of pills she took form the house on saturday when she came home a mixture of Naproxen, Mitazapine and paracetamol she got from the shop, she ended up have the 3 stage IV over night.
She has written many notes and made spider diagrams on her lack of emotion and feelings and why she wants to end her life but over the weeks between the jump and this overdose it seemed that things were moving in the right direction, she went from a section and seeing the psychologist to being allowed off site with a chaperone then to being allowed to go to the local shop on her own, as soon as she has been given an opportunity she has taken it to plan and set up a suicide attempt. After the first overdose I had brought a safe to keep the medication in ( I have a fair bit due to a back problem) this saturday I had forgotten to lock it (I don’t lock it when she is in hospital) I left her alone in the house for 8 minutes after doing the food shop, during this time she has checked the safe and removed the pills even going to the point of only taken 1 blister pack out of the boxes so the still sounded like they had stuff in them if I checked.
Really don’t know what to do and how to cope now, I’m trying to hold down my job, keep house and look after the kids, I have support from family but we all thought things were getting better now this just feels like a kick in the teeth, our eldest knows about the 2 overdoses and the cutting, little 2 just know mum finds the world too much and has gone somewhere to have a break but the longer it goes on the more anxious they get.
Didn’t really intend to write this much it has just pored out of me as I’ve typed, as much as he professionals are trying to help, I’ve come on here to see if there’s maybe someone who has been through or is going through something similar, it’s all come as a massive downward whirlwind as this is the first time anything like this has happened in the 15 years we have been together.